The thought was depressing enough that I looked at the bed again.
It was here. I was here.Hewasn’t.
Shrugging, I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes. I was in the land of the dead and had no idea how to leave. Staying awake indefinitely wasn’t going to help keep me alive. Exhausted, I’d make mistakes, like touching C’adon, again. My gut was telling me rest was better. Or maybe it was the bread in my full belly telling me that. Either way, I closed my eyes and let sleep have its way with me.
* * *
“She sleepswhen I’m away. I don’t like being away. I could give her the world, if she would but allow it. Look at her skin.”
His words, along with his muffled steps and softly clinking chains, penetrated my sleep. Silently huffing, I rolled over, turning away from him, and burrowed deeper into the blankets. His crazy needed to take a break.
“Just one touch. I would give anything for a touch, be it the sharp edge of a blade or the bite of a whip. Anything is better than nothing.”
My sluggish brain processed what he was saying, and I frowned. He was so desperate for a touch he wanted to be hurt? That was just wrong. And sad.
“Pain is real. This isn’t real. Why isn’t this real?”
His voice was escalating. If anyone needed some rest, it was him.
With a silent sigh, I reached behind me and flipped the covers back on the other half of the bed. Then, I curled up in a ball, as close to the edge on my side as possible.
His muttering and pacing stopped.
“This is a dream. She invites me to rest beside her. She never invites me.”
There was every chance I was being stupid and would never wake up again. C’adon was unhinged and, therefore, very dangerous. However, I was starting to believe he didn’t want to hurt me. Not that he wouldn’t, only that it wouldn’t be his intent.
I almost snorted at the idea that I would ever believe that. Hurting humans seemed to be the nature of things in their world. They hurt what they coveted.
That thought followed me back into sleep, and I didn’t wake up again until my stomach rumbled a muted demand for more food.
The room was completely silent when I opened my eyes. Torchlight flickered orange and gold against the stone walls. The table sat right where he’d conjured it. However, C’adon wasn’t pacing near it. He wasn’t anywhere that I could see.
He’d either left or…
Trying not to jostle the bed, I rolled to my other side. A hand’s breadth away from me, C’adon lay on his back. I kept my gaze on his arm and watched his bare chest rise and fall in a slow and steady rhythm. The need to check if he was awake clawed at me, and I almost lifted my gaze.
“This was my dream. It was always my dream. Look at her untroubled expression. She is light and life. She is goodness. Why isn’t she goodness? She is my torment. My folly. I want her. Look at her skin.”
I was so glad I hadn’t looked up at him, but I was equally sad for him. It didn’t seem like he’d slept at all. He’d only been quieter about his crazy while next to me.
Uncomfortable with our cozy positions, I rolled away and got out of bed.
“No, no, no. She always leaves. Why must she loathe me so? Have I not done everything she has ever asked of me? Don’t touch. Simple, simple, simple. I give everything through nothing, and it is never enough. Still she leaves.” His voice was growing in volume. “You are mine. Choose me. Stay with me.”
My hope for more food withered with his escalating irrationality. Rather than heading for the table, I went straight to the door and grabbed my torch.
“Come back here and rain your affections upon me!” he yelled as I slipped into the hallway.
Thankfully, there was nothing waiting to attack me, and I could hurry along to the first door. There wasn’t a whisper of noise inside, but the same couldn’t be said for the room I’d left.
“A touch. Nothing more. I will fetch the blades!” he yelled.
I jerked the door in front of me open, needing to escape, and came up short at the sight of ghostly bodies pressed against each other in the tight confines of the space.
Every translucent head turned my way. A few shuddered. Those closest, who didn’t shudder, drifted toward me. I wasn’t fast enough to move out of the way and felt a sudden full-body coldness when the first one passed through me.
Ghosts. Souls of the dead. Whatever they were, they were like the woman Megan had delivered.
