“Not because of you,” Clay said.
“You need to stop blaming yourself, little one,” Luke said. “Isabelle doesn’t blame you.”
I could feel their connection, a history that brought them together as a closely-knit group. As much as I wished I could have the same, I knew it was better for everyone that I didn’t.
“I understand, Gabby. There’s no need to apologize.”
I continued my study of the grey swirls outside my window and struggled to keep my memories from pulling me into the past while waiting for Winifred to ask more questions about the Urbat.
“Is there anything you can tell us about them that will help us?” Winifred asked after a moment.
I turned away from the window to focus on her shape.
“Help you to do what?” I asked.
“To keep our people safe.”
Have courage. Tell her the truth,the Lady whispered from the grey.
I struggled to suppress the overwhelming despair that wanted to consume me.
“I’m sorry, but no one will be safe. Individuals change slowly. Even with time, we often resist change. With this Judgement, we will change the world. If we don’t complete the Judgement, the world will burn and everyone will die. If we do complete it, many will still die. There’s nothing that will keep anyone safe.”
“That’s what the Lady told me, too,” Bethi said. “About the world burning, I mean.”
I turned my head and saw the grey wisps of the Others dancing around her reclined form. She still leaned against her Mate, Luke. I envied her that connection.
“Well, in a past dream,” she said. “Not this one, though. We’re all together now. Instead of showing me what we need to do, she showed me one of your past lives. Do you know how many times you were left in the woods to die? I wanted to bitch-slap that last mom. She gave birth to you twice. Both times she took one look at you and brought you to the trees. Same damn spot. Your bones were still there from the first time. I had to feel your loneliness, hunger, and fear twice.”
Those were the very same emotions I struggled not to feel in this lifetime. My stomach growled, as if my body had heard that brief thought and took it as permission to react.
“I’m sorry,” I said, apologizing for the dreams and my stomach.
“When did you last eat?” Winifred asked.
“Several hours ago.” I didn’t clarify that it only had been a few pretzels and a candy bar the day before that.
Winifred bent to grab something. I listened to a slight rustling before she extended her arm toward me. I held out my hand and felt the smooth wrapper around some type of snack bar.
“Thank you,” I said.
“How long was I out this time?” Bethi asked as I unwrapped the food and took a hungry bite.
“Not long,” Luke said. “Maybe thirty minutes.”
She groaned, and he kissed her temple.
I looked out the window again while I chewed. The budding regret, loneliness, and appeased hunger died quickly under my focus.
“Do we know where we’re going yet?” Bethi asked.
“No,” Gabby said. “I’m just trying to keep the Urbat from finding us.”
“When you find somewhere that looks safe,” Bethi said, “we need to stop and talk with the other three Judgements. If what Olivia is saying is true, I want us to make up our minds so we can move on to the Judging part. I’m way past ready to be done with this crap.”
A small, neglected part of me cowered at the thought of making the final decision. Yet, I understood better than the rest the need for one. And, the faster, the better.
I swallowed my bite of the snack bar and quietly took another.
