I laugh. It grows, crushes me, and I twist out of Thio’s hold to scrub my hands over my eyes, dislodging my glasses.
When I can see, Orok’s sprawled back in his chair, face gaunt.
He holds my gaze for one unspoken moment.
By the third summer, we didn’t have to speak to communicate. It was better not to, better not to let slip anything the instructors could use as ammo. Every time they’d announce a new challenge, I’d look at Orok, and he’d convey the full weight of his fear and exhaustion and steadiness in his eyes, in the pulse of his brow.
I’m here. I’m terrified but I’m here, and we’ll get through this together.
“Thio’s right,” he whispers. “Not tonight. This is—” He tosses the water bottle onto the table and stands. “I’m going to the gym.”
I flick my eyes to the clock on the microwave. “It’s almost ten.”
“And it’s open ’til midnight. I’ll be back. I need to—”
He stops. Hands opening and closing at his sides.
“No matter how long it’s been,” he says, attention on the floor. “It’s like I’m a kid again.”
He looks at me, and I know. No matter how thick the scar tissue, the wound beneath is always raw.
More tears well and I wipe them away, unable to speak.
Orok uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his own eyes and heads to the door to grab his keys.
But he doubles back, bends over me on the couch, and plants a kiss on my forehead. “It’s gonna be okay, yeah? This was probably a good thing.”
I snort. “Take your therapizing and sweat it out at the gym.”
Orok holds his fist out to Thio.
Head cocked curiously, Thio bumps it.
“I’m so glad his stubborn ass is someone else’s problem now,” Orok tells him.
“Hey,” I manage, head lolling on Thio’s shoulder.
Orok smiles at me.
We’ll get through this together.
“If you can’t sleep tonight,” I tell him, “wake me up.”
His smile widens into a snort. “So I can cuddle between you and Thio? Tempting, Seb. Really.”
I kick his shin. “I’m serious, O.”
Orok’s face does something complicated. A shift, a hard sniff, and he nods. “I know you are.”
He leans over to kiss my forehead again.
“Love you,” he whispers.
“Love you too.”
He leaves with a parting wave.
Silence blankets us in his absence.
