“I’m in this,” he whispers. His hand in my hair, his other arm around my waist; they both tighten. “You don’t have to say anything. What you told me tonight, about Camp Merethyl—I want you to know how seriously I take it. I know it was no small thing for you, and this, you and me, isn’t small for me either.”
He gave me an out. I could stay quiet and drift off in his arms and call this night the best of my life.
“I’m in this, too,” I say.
Now it’s the best night of my life.
His fingers draw shapes on my hip and I know he’s smiling. Grinning, probably, all dopey and shit.
“Shut up,” I mutter.
His snorted exhale is hot on my bare shoulder. “Never. You like me.”
I can’t wrestle down my smile. He really has ruined me.
One last, mumbled confession slips out. “You make me happy.”
And I fall asleep with his lips pressed to my forehead.
The first half of spring break, we barely leave Thio’s apartment. It isn’t until Orok texts asking for proof of life that Thio makes the executive decision to put clothes on, becauseI won’t give your best friend reason to think badly of me.Which, damn, that’s downright honorable of him, so we end up hanging with Orok and some of the rawball team.
Thio fits. With Orok, and Orok’s sporty circle of friends. They’re quickly laughing along with a joke Thio told or buying him a drink because he beat them at axe throwing, and even Crescentia gets over her prejudice. I can only watch in disbelief at incontrovertible proof that I’ve somehow attracted another people person into my inner circle.
I can’t believe he doesn’t have his own established group of friends; he’s so easy to like. Charming and engaging. I’m not at all too proud to admit I latch on to his side on most of our excursions.Gods damn,he chose me?Hechose me, and he holds my hand or idly plays with my hair or smiles down at me in a private way between us.
We visit his mom at the end of the week. The care facility staff seems to have figured out her medicine; she hasn’t had any more seizures, and her eyes are clear when we sit with her in the courtyard. Thio tells her what we’ve been doing—the PG version—and her focus drifts as he talks, to the weeping willow we’re seated under, to the lilies blooming by the pond in the corner, to—me.
She stares at me as Thio talks about how we went axe throwing. I smile, not sure how much she’s aware of, if she remembers me from our other visits.
She touches my hand. It’s fleeting, barely a brush of contact, but my eyes prickle.
I still haven’t heard from my dad since his unsolicited astral projection visit. My mom stopped her usual harmlesshow are youtexts,probably because I didn’tcongratulatemy father on his new job. This silence between us feels… conclusive. Like this was the last straw.
The effect of them giving up is that they’vegiven up. And now neither side of our already rickety bridge is passable.
I don’t know what to do about that. Why I find myself glancing at the text thread with my mom in case I missed something.
I’m dating an incredible guy who for whatever reason is obsessed with me. I have Orok. My parents have finally stopped hassling me about my failures. I’m on the downslope to graduation, set to finish up my project in a few weeks. I have the Clawstar job locked in, so I’ll be able to get protective spells to people who need them.
For the first time in my life, I have everything I’ve ever wanted.
If I’m feeling uncertain, it’s because I’m not used to being happy. If I’m feeling like this perfectly clear, brilliantly bright day is forecasted for a storm, it’s only because I’ve never had stuff to worry about losing.
If all this joy has me holding Thio tighter at night, it’s only because that’s what you do when you like someone. You hold them close.
And wait for the dread to let you take a full breath again.
Chapter Sixteen
A good chunk of that dread gets slapped silly when Thio and I return to the lab and neither of us lets the new dynamic of our relationship alter the preestablished dynamic of our working partnership.
Translation: he immediately pisses me off.
I swear to the gods, I’m practically beaming through that first argument. Something about still being able to yell at him and have him get mad at me, too, helps the fuzzy edges of our expanding relationship come into clarity. Yes, we’re sleeping together every night, but in this lab, we’re still Sebastian and Elethior andfuckif he’s going to get away with taking point on a test formyproject.
But this anger is his insecurity coming back out, his fear of what happened to his mom—and now, his fear of what I told him about my own past.
Instead of letting the argument barrel on, I kiss him, hot and heavy and anxious.
