“People reported arrangements being made in the other winter Holidays. He suspected. Trashed my room. Found the letters.”
Hex closes that space,four, three, two—his hands go to my face, and I realize my eyes have been everywhere but on his.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Coal—”
“There were too many moving parts. He was always going to find out.”
“You knew this was a possibility. But there is enough power in those united winter Holidays that they should be able to force his hand regardless. Short of barricading them at the door, there is nothing he can do to stop what you have put in motion.”
A beat. And in that beat, I’m staring at the carpet. Just beside his shoulder.
“Coal.” He pulls on my chin, and I do finally look into his eyes. It centers me.
“He threatened to blame all this on you if I didn’t rescind my invitations,” I hear myself say. “He knows you’re involved. He knows I plotted with you against him. He’s sending you home and if I don’t stop this, he’ll tell the autumn collective you tried to overthrow him. He’lldestroyyour Holiday.”
Hex’s face sets. Goes pale. “Coal. What did you say to him?”
His reaction is—it’s not what I expected. I don’t know what I expected. But he’s hiding his thoughts and emotions behind that wall again, the one I thought he’d finally let me through.
“Hex.” I try to close the remaining space between us.
He steps away. “What did you say to him?” he asks again.
“He was going to tell your collective that you tried tooverthrowhim. No matter how they feel about Christmas, what would they think about Halloween’s heir being so malicious? And the shitty thing is—youdidhelp me do this. I wasn’t trying to overthrow him, but god, does it matter? Because I basically wanted that. And I got you involved, and I—”
“You agreed.” His fingers go to his lips. “To rescind your invitations. To stop the winter Holidays collective.”
“I’m not going to let him hurt you. I’m not going to let him ruin you or your Holiday. I’ll—”I’ll find another way,I almost tell him. But I won’t. I can’t, I can’t risk hurting people again—I inhale but nothing goes in, nothing, sand in my lungs now, nothing.
“Protecting Halloween ismyjob,” Hex tells me, his face reddening. “Your job is to protect Christmas. And you gave it up. For me.”
“Damn myjob,Hex. What should I have done? Let him make good on all his threats to hurt your Holiday? I never had a chance of doing this. I never had a chance of—”
“You did have a chance, and you gave it up,because of me.I told you I didn’t need you to step in.I told you not to choose me over your responsibilities.It was the one thing I asked of you!”
He turns away, fingers on his temples, shaking his head at the carpet, at the air.
His horror slams into my gut, roils around and doesn’t fit. “Hex—”
“This is all so broken,” he whimpers, and I go rigid.
He shakes his head again, hands pulling back so they interlock behind his neck.
“I’m the reason your father has anything to hold over Halloween in the first place,” he says to the ceiling.
“What? What are you talking about?”
He turns a little until I can see the sheen in his eyes, the tears he’s trying to hold back. “My sister was the one who wanted to reach out to Christmas about an alliance. She was so—so idealistic. She saw Christmas’s reach and thought with that kind of strength… the people we could reach too. If we pooled resources, if we helped each other, because we oversee very different aspects of the year. It was a beautiful dream, who could deny it? My parents agreed. Cautiously. But negotiations turned sour—Raven’s hopes would never come to pass. I think I knew, before we tried. I knew she would be disappointed.”
I don’t move. I want to reach out to him but something in his posture keeps me at arm’s length.
“Then she died within days of those negotiations ending.” Hex licks his lips, swallows the scratch of a sob, and my heart breaks. “Shedied,andeverythingfell apart. Your father had threatened to tell our allies about our attempts at joining with Christmas, and my parents felt we could endure whatever fallout came. But me? It would have been her legacy. The last thing she did before she died, and it could have caused Halloween to be forced out of our collective. Theone thingRaven held most dear would have been broken. I couldn’t risk it. So I begged my parents to comply with whatever your father demanded. I was the one who agreed to Christmas’s faux-engagement ploy. I’ve been the one letting all this happen from the start because she’sdeadand no one else—no one elsecared—”
He gags, hand flattening over his mouth, and I reach for him, but he bucks backwards.
“Hex.” I make his name a plea, asking to let me hold him.
I’d known his duties as Halloween’s heir were tied into his grief over his sister, but I hadn’t realized how much, and he’s hurting and I need tohold him.
