Which leaves . . .
“The Order,” I tell everyone. “They’re our only chance at finding a way to seal the chasm door, or even get rid of magic altogether. Either one would halt the spread of Cordell’s power and give us better leverage against them—or at the very least, give us a bargaining tool to negotiate Winter’s freedom. We have to search for the final key and the Order, and if they say there is no way to seal the chasm permanently or stop Cordell without magic, I’ll open the door myself. But let’s not plan on that until we know for sure.”
A slow smile creeps over Henn’s face. “A thoughtfuldecision, my queen. Where do you think the final key is? Ventralli, of course, but where?”
I bite my lip. “What stands as a symbol of Ventralli? Summer’s was wine, Yakim’s was books. The chasm clue that led to Ventralli is a mask. But the key we found in Yakim was wrapped in a tapestry, which is another symbol of Ventralli’s affinity for the arts.” I meet Henn’s eyes, mind wrapped up in thought. “Maybe . . . their museums? We’ll start there. Their guilds might also be a good place to look, so we can move on to those next.”
Dendera nods. “Good. We have a plan.”
“Yes.” Part of me itches to dive into a battle, to physically hack away at this threat with the chakram now strapped to my back. I’ve cast off all the shields I’ve built around myself—but I can keep some things, choose the beneficial parts and use them to strengthen who I am. I let Ceridwen, Conall, Garrigan, Nessa, Dendera, and Henn in, told them about the issues I’m facing; I will remain calm and careful, but let myself be reckless when I need to be. I will learn from my mistakes.
Unlike Hannah.
Unlike the way she lied to me and had everyone keep that lie for my entire life. Unlike the way shestillkept things from me—forthree monthsshe could have told me the rest of her plan. Maybe if she had learned fromhermistakes, we’d all be better off. Maybe, if she had never told any of those lies to begin with, we’d have been free years ago.
I straighten.No. I don’t need to think about her—what she wanted doesn’t matter.What she wanted doesn’t matter.
“We should sleep,” Garrigan says. “It’s nearly morning.”
“Wait.” My eyes lock on Henn. “Will you return to Winter?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Of course. Why, my queen?”
I force the words out faster than my stomach can cramp with remorse. “Because Theron and I—things have changed. We’re no longer as unified in our goals as we once were, and I don’t know if . . . I mean, he wouldn’t be that cruel, but he was our strongest Cordellan ally. Though that didn’t do much for us. But now . . . just check on Winter, please?”
Henn grows solemn and bows his head in a slow nod. “Of course,” he repeats.
Dendera rises to kiss him, quick and soft. He squeezes her shoulder and disappears into the adjoining room to pack for the trip, taking Garrigan and Conall to receive final departing orders.
Ceridwen stands and crosses the room to me. “I’m sorry.”
I rise too, thumbs hooked in the straps of my chakram’s holster. Snow, it feels good, having it back with me, so good that I can pretend I don’t understand Ceridwen. “For what?”
She gives me a look half annoyed, half knowing. “Rhythm boys will break your heart,” she says, but her face tightens with her own regret. “I stand by what I said, though. Hewasn’t a proper lover for you. You’re too good for him.”
Heat instantly surges up my neck and I throw a glance at Dendera and Nessa, the only other people still in the room, but they’re both whispering quietly by the door.
“He wasn’t mylover,” I hiss. “Snow above, is that all you Summerians think about?”
“Trust me, when you find the right person, itwillbe all you think about.” Ceridwen grins weakly.
I tip my head, voice low. “I’ve told you my secrets. Will you ever tell me yours?”
She blinks at me but recovers quickly. “That wasn’t part of our deal, Winter queen.”
And she leaves, brushing past Nessa and Dendera without another word. I stare after her, stunned, but shake it off when Nessa comes up to me.
She’s been quiet through everything I said, like she’s piecing it all together in her own way, and as I stand before her, I’m overcome by the prickling certainty that she will be the one to see what none of us have been able to.
Nessa wrings her hands together. “Are you still afraid of it?”
I touch the locket, the shell of what once was. Again my hesitation answers for me.
“I would be too,” Nessa says. “Don’t feel guilty for what you did; I don’t think your magic is as bad as you think it is. After all, it’s done a lot of good. It healed us, it helped save us, it fought off Angra in Abril. I know it doesn’t makeit any less frightening, but—” She pauses and shrugs. “It’s a weapon we have, and we need all the weapons we can get.”
I smile. “You really are too astute for your own good, Lady Kentigern.”
Her cheeks flush and she backs away, skipping out the door, Dendera in tow. I’m left with the gears and knobs and twisting copper pipes of the Yakimian bedroom, the faint rays of the rising sun peeking through the curtains. I don’t know how long we were up talking—hours, half the night, all night. I feel the exhaustion now, and my mind starts to sway and pull, the gentle fog between sleep and waking. The time when thoughts rush through my head, patching together meanings I missed.
