Page 94 of Wrecked

No, out of my life.

I’m done being his dirty little secret.

Chapter 31 – Cooper

As I watch Sam walk out of the reception, an icy chill settles in my chest. I think I just screwed up royally. My heart aches as I watch him struggle on those damn crutches. He shouldn’t be on them—it’s too soon. And yet he risked a fall just so he could ask me to dance. In front of all these people.

And I threw his gesture right back in his face.

Sam doesn’t look back once. He just walks on, and probably every step is agony for him, both physically and emotionally.

I’m a shitty boyfriend. He deserves better, and I definitely don’t deserve him.

Once he’s gone from sight, I glance around the room to find everyone looking atmewith emotions ranging from confusion to disappointment to disgust.

Shane takes pity on me as he lays his hand on my back. “Maybe you should go talk to him.”

My gut is hollowed out. “I doubt he wants to see me right now, let alone talk to me.”The look on his face. The sense of utter betrayal. I did that to him.

“Beth is with him now,” Shane says. “Let her calm him down, and then maybe you can try later.”

I leave the great room through the kitchen, stopping to grab a beer from the fridge. I need to get out of here. Hell, I need to get drunk, but I can’t right now—not with a houseful of watchful eyes.

I leave through a side door and head down to the private dock, where Shane keeps his boats moored. I walk out to the end of the pier and stare down at the rippling water as it surges against the dock.

I take a long swig of my beer and wish it were something stronger. What I really want right now is whiskey, but there are too many people in the great room where the bar is located.

Being by the water reminds me of home. As a kid, I spent so much time fishing in rivers and lakes. There wasn’t much else to do after school let out. I was a poor kid who lived in a small, isolated town, in constant fear of people finding out that I liked boys, not girls.

Growing up, I remember more than one boy who simply disappeared without explanation. Folks just went on with their lives pretending they never existed. Later on, I’d hear rumors that they were sent away to live with relatives. Those boys never came back, not even to visit. It was like they never existed.

I ended up being one of those boys when I ran away from home and hitchhiked north to my aunt in Illinois. When she called my dad to let him know I was with her—so he wouldn’t worry—he told her to keep me. He told her if he ever saw me again, he’d kill me.

My folks wanted me to disappear and never return. Anything to put an end to the rumors about that Daniel Cooper kid getting caught making out with another boy.

But at least I survived. Poor Cody wasn’t so lucky.

The bullying was terrible.

The terrorizing was endless.

My stomach knots when I think about Cody. I wish I’d never met him. If I hadn’t, he might still be alive. I loved a boy, and it got him killed. I swore on Cody’s memory I’d never let that happen again.

So what did I do instead?I broke the heart of the most amazing man I’ve ever known.

I hear footsteps on the wooden planks as someone approaches. A moment later, Shane’s at my side. He stands next to me, quiet, just lending me support I don’t deserve.

I tip back the bottle and guzzle the last of the beer.

Finally, Shane breaks his silence. “I think you should tell Sam about Cody. At least then he’d understand where you’re coming from.”

“That won’t undo the damage I did tonight.”

“Maybe not, but it’s a start.”

* * *

Once it’s dark, I sneak back into the house through the front door and head upstairs. I need to fix this, no matter what it takes. I’ve let Sam down so many times, he’s bound to give up on me and walk away for good. I’d never survive that.