Shit, I hadn’t realized. Today is over. Tomorrow is here, yet I don’t feel any better.
Ellie moves aside and lets us in. I can hear her and Travis whispering back and forth, but I pay them no attention as I kick my shoes off and head toward Olivia’s room, using the wall for support as I do.
I quietly enter her room. When I see her lying on her side, hands tucked under her head, sleeping like an angel, I sigh. The chest tightening is back, but it’s a different kind than earlier. I try to tiptoe my way to her but stumble and curse when my toe hits the edge of her bed frame.
“Penn?” Olivia’s sleepy voice hits me as I’m crawling next to her.
She stirs, but I wrap my arms around her waist and drag her into me. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just needed to be next to you. Go back to sleep, baby,” I whisper in her hair, taking in the familiar smell of her. She relaxes, laying her head on my chest. Comfort washes over me like I’ve never known, and before I know it, I’m out cold.
My head isfuzzy when I open my eyes, but I’m met with a pair that I love looking into, and I smile. “Mornin’, Barbie.”
“Good morning.” She strokes my face, and my eyes drift shut again. “You okay?”
“Mmhm.”
“What time did you get here last night? I would’ve waited up if I had known.”
Guilt churns my stomach. I’m an asshole. I ignored her all day, then showed up in her bed in the middle of the night like a booty call or some shit.
“It was late. I just wanted to sleep next to you.”
“I thought you were ignoring me yesterday.” She giggles, trying to mask the hurt under her words, but I hear it. It only makes my chest constrict more.
I open my eyes. Her silky hair has fallen in front of her face, and I brush it back, letting my finger linger over her cheek. “I’m sorry. Yesterday was…busy.”
“Did you have a bad day?” she asks carefully.
I lean back, and the hand she was stroking me with drops to the bed, a flash of hurt crossing her face. “Why do you ask?”
“Ellie said it seemed like you were distracted at practice.”
I clench my jaw. My first instinct is to tell her no. I don’t want to talk about it, but her eyes are pleading for me to open up and give her something. I want to give her everything.
I suck in a ragged breath, forcing the words out. “Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad’s death.”
Her expression morphs into one of pure agony. For me.
I swallow fucking nails.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says. “I had no idea.”
Of course not. Every time she tries to talk about my family, I skirt to another subject. I pull and pull, making her give me pieces of her but keep my shit locked up tight.
“It’s been three years, and every year around this time, I feel it creeping in. Not as much this year because I’ve been distracted.” I give her a lighthearted wink, and she laces herfingers through mine, stroking my hand. “But it hit me hard yesterday. The guys know, and they did their best to keep me busy, but after practice I just wanted to let it consume me. Travis got me drunk, and we Ubered here. I’m sorry for showing up without calling you. For not texting you back.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. It was a dick move. I?—”
“Penn, you don’t have to explain. I won’t lie and say I understand what you’re going through because I’ve never lost a parent, but you’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to need space.”
I don’t want space from her, that’s the thing. I would wedge my-fucking-self in her life permanently if she’d let me. She’d be in my bed every night and have all of her shit at my place, so she never had to leave. I don’t care if she sits and plays with her yarn all day. I want her there.
I want her everywhere I am.
