“Pacey, what the fuck?” I bark, grabbing the phone from Travis’s hand. A small gasp sounds from the other line beforecomplete silence. Then the call ends. “Motherfucker!” I toss the phone on his couch and drop my head in my hands, tugging at my hair.
“Sorry, man, that’s fucked up,” Travis says, squeezing my shoulder. “Just give her a little more time. She’ll come around.”
That’s what everyone keeps saying, but I’m tired of waiting, and what if she doesn’t? Am I supposed to just let her go? Forever?
I know I said some shit that was hurtful to her last time we talked, but I didn’t mean it. If she’d just talk to me, I’d tell her how sorry I am.
Pacey and I used to be close. She’s three years younger than I am, but I never minded having her around. She’d sit in the garage while me and Travis fucked around like we were legit musicians, even though we barely knew how to pluck a string. She’d clap and praise us and give us shit when we sucked—which was often. Pacey was my biggest fan.
I know she blames herself for what happened to our dad, and I should have been a better brother to her when she needed me the most. But some days, it took all my energy just to breathe. I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I didn’t see her drifting away. Once I pulled my head out of my ass, it was too late. She was gone.
“Anytime you want to go over there, and fuck shit up, let me know. I’m down,” Travis says, not joking in the slightest.
It’s tempting. I consider it almost every day, but I’m afraid I might kill Ryan. I know it’s unfair to blame him—Pacey is her own person—but he took advantage of her while she was vulnerable. Preyed on her weakness, had her turning to drugs to escape her pain. Now she’s a completely different person and can’t find her way back. My worst fear is that maybe she doesn’t want to find it.
I head home and go straight to my bed. I’mmentally drained from this day already, and it’s not even two o’clock. I close my eyes, doing my best to fight off the anger and pain threatening to consume me.
Visions of Olivia pop into my head, her golden hair, honey eyes, and pale skin that’s always flushed red around me. Her perfectly straight smile and soft laugh that lights up my insides.
Then I sleep.
I wakeup groggy even after sleeping nearly ten hours. My body feels heavy as I drag myself to the shower. I can’t remember the last time I slept that long. I hadn’t been sleeping well until Olivia stayed over. It was the first time in a long time that I went to bed before three in the morning. I slept so fucking good with my limbs wrapped around hers.
I step out of the shower and throw on some old work clothes for a day at the shop. We’re not practicing until later tonight, so I plan to spend most of the day helping Uncle Ray finish up on a couple of cars he’s had for way too long.
Once I start a pot of coffee, I message Olivia.
Penn:
Morning Barbie
I doubt she’s up this early, but I feel bad I didn’t text or call her yesterday. I didn’t expect to sleep the whole night away.
I schedule a small grocery pick-up for later. I hadn’t realized how low I was on food until Olivia started rooting around in my fridge. When the coffee is done, I dump it into a mug and head out.
Five hours later, I’m sweaty, sore, and dirty as fuck. There’s grease under my fingernails and smudges all over my face.
Ray had two guys call in today, so I busted my ass topick up the slack. Crawled under no less than ten cars to do an oil change, replaced a taillight, and changed a starter. It’s no wonder his back is always fucked. Mine feels like a bus fell on it.
There’s no way I can do this for the rest of my life. One day, I hope we make enough to get by on, play gigs we enjoy, and not just take any and everything that is thrown at us. I don’t need to make millions and I sure as fuck don’t need the fame. I just want to play music that people like to put in their ears.
As soon as I get home, I put away the grocery order and strip out of my filthy clothes, tossing them in the washer before I hop in the shower again. This time, I turn the water to scalding hot and scrub the grease from my fingernails, arms, and face. Once I’m thoroughly cleaned, I step out and wrap a towel around my waist, then I pick up my phone and call Olivia.
“Hello,” she answers.
“Hey, what’re you doing?”
“I just finished submitting an assignment and was about to order some takeout. Do you, uh, want to come over?” The nervousness in her voice is apparent and I hate it. I wish she’d realize she can ask me anything and I probably wouldn’t tell her no. Ever.
“I have band practice at six, but I can come over for a little bit. What are you in the mood for? I’ll stop and get it.” I grab a shirt and a pair of pants from my closet, putting the phone between my shoulder and ear while I get dressed.
“Oh, that’s okay. Ellie and I are going to order Chinese. Do you like that?”
“I do. Which place?”
She doesn’t respond right away, and I can practically hear her thoughts through the phone. “Uh, don’t worry.” She laughsnervously. “Ellie already ordered on DoorDash. Just bring yourself!”
“Ok. See you soon.” I hang up and toss the phone on my bed. I run my fingers through my still-wet hair. She’s clearly uncomfortable about the idea of me paying for things. The other night when she was here, she tried to give me twenty dollars for the pizza I ordered. She physically threw the bill at me when I refused to take it. When she turned her back, I tucked it into her purse.
