I live alone, but I’m not messy. Living with four guys for a while was enough to drive that habit right out of me. I can’t fucking deal if shit is a mess. My head is chaotic enough. I need to keep everything else tidy so I can think straight.
Ellie and Travis disappear down the hall, and I retake my seat, watching Olivia flip through something on her phone. “What’s that?” I ask, pointing to the image of some colorful yarn thing on her screen.
“It’s a crochet pattern.” Oh yes, the granny thing she was posting about on Instagram. “It’s not just for old people,” she quips, reading my thoughts.
“Sure.”
She shoots me a fierce look, her feisty side coming out. She’s passionate about this. “It’s not. It’s actually very therapeutic. Takes a steady hand and immense focus. You?—”
I cut her off. “I believe you. Bet it’s hard as fuck.”
The scowl drops from her face, replaced by a gleam in her eyes—one I haven’t seen before—as she goes on. “It’s easy once you get the hang of it.” She holds the phone toward me.
I force myself to look away from her and at the screen.
“I love this quilt pattern, but I’ve never done anything thisbig and complex before. I’m not sure I could pull it off, but it’s beautiful.”
I study the image. It’s a white blanket, but it’s made up of a ton of different squares. Each one has a unique, vibrant pattern. “I like it.”
She narrows her eyes. “Really?”
“Really, it’s nice. Looks hard as shit, but I bet you can do it.”
“You haven’t even seen my work. How can you say that? Maybe I’m terrible.”
I lift my shoulders. “Nah, I bet there’s not much you can’t do.” I hate to break it to her, but I can read her already. I can tell she’s stubborn, probably a perfectionist too, with a competitive streak. She tried to hide it, but I saw how bad she hated to lose to us at beer pong.
Her teeth clamp down on her bottom lip. My attention is drawn to her mouth, smooth and pink, with a hint of strawberry floating from them. I lick my own, rubbing my piercing with my tongue. Her eyes follow, watching as it flicks across the metal. What I wouldn’t do to rub the hoop across her soft lips. Tease her, taste them, then suck her tongue into my mouth. Swallow any sounds she might make.
She blinks and just like that, goes back to scrolling on her phone. Travis emerges from Ellie’s room, and I slide away from the stool. Olivia peers up at me.
Before I walk away, I lean close, whispering in her ear, “Have a good night, Barbie.”
14
OLIVIA
I finishoff the last stitching of the beanie I’m crocheting for Ellie. I’ve been making her beanies every Christmas since we met. If she gets tired of them, she doesn’t say so. I made this one to resemble a set of cat ears, and I think it turned out cute.
Ellie is already gone, having left yesterday to head back to Virginia to spend Christmas with her family.
I deposit the finished hat in a small gift bag and place it under our tree for when she returns. I grab my suitcase, stuff my makeup bag inside, and do one final check to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. My flight leaves in two hours, and I need to get going. I used to look forward to being home for the holidays, but that was when I knew I’d be coming back here. The closer it gets to graduation, the louder the clock in my head ticks, like a bomb countdown. I can feel the walls starting to close in on me.
For as long as I can remember, my life has been set in stone, like an epitaph I don’t have any say in that is supposed to depict my life. I feel my life slipping from my grasp, and I’mso desperate to hold on.
I’ve been panicking, and that’s part of the reason I had so much to drink last week. Ellie’s words kept replaying in my head.No regrets.
Sure, I was a tiny bit embarrassed when I woke up the next morning and remembered how I shamelessly grinded my body all over Penn on the dance floor while he stood completely still. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I had fun, and having his body pressed against mine stirred something inside me. Something I didn’t know was there, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Or him.
He’s the total opposite of the guys I’ve dated, and maybe that’s part of the allure. There’s an air of softness around his broody appearance that lures me in, has me desperate to know more. That lip piercing? I didn’t even know that could be hot, but every time he rubs his tongue against the metal ring, it sends a spark to my core. I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like if he rubbed it against me—while we were kissing. I have an inkling the spark would ignite into a whole flame.
A knock at my door yanks me from my thoughts. I wheel my suitcase down the hall and check the peephole. For a split second, I imagine it’s Penn on the other side, but I wave that away. That would be ridiculous.
I’m wildly disappointed to see Chad on the other side instead. His boyish grin is such a contrast from the cocky smirk I’ve been daydreaming about lately.
I sigh, opening the door. “What’re you doing here?”
He sidesteps me, letting himself inside. “Missed you, too, babe.” He takes a seat, getting comfortable. It’s such a Chad move. I’m not even surprised. Iamsurprised at how much it suddenly pisses me off, though. He’s so comfortable floating in and out of my life when it’s convenientfor him.
