I pull up to the single-story brick ranch and park at the curb. Mom’s Subaru sits in the driveway instead of the garage that’s full of my dad’s things. That was the first place Travisand I played together. The place where our love for music formed. Where our dreams grew into reality.
My old basketball hoop sits near the driveway. The neighborhood kids seem to make use of it now. Looks like the net has been replaced since the last time I was here, and that makes me smile. Allison Hayze is good like that. A nurturer to her very core, even to kids who aren’t hers. People who aren’t hers. It’s why she’s an amazing nurse, and it’s why it pains me even more that Pacey’s done what she’s done. I know it’s killing my mom that she can’t help her.
I walk up the cracked sidewalk and tap on the door. Normally, I’d just walk in, but I wanted to surprise her. I checked her schedule to make sure she had the day off. It was still a bit of a gamble, though. She tends to go in on her days off more often than not.
She opens the door and immediately smiles wide. “Penn! What are you doing here?”
I drag her into a hug. “Hi, Mom. I just wanted to see you.”
She squeezes me tightly for several seconds before pulling away, and I follow her to the couch. It’s been almost three years since my dad passed, but it doesn’t get easier. Even though the house looks the same—the same family photos hanging on the walls, my sister’s trophies and medals still on the mantle—it doesn’tfeelthe same. This home used to be full of life, full of people. It’s cliché to say, but we were happy. I was one of the lucky ones. Until I wasn’t. Now it feels…hollow. Empty.
It’s no longer a home, just four walls and a roof. A body without a heart—lifeless and cold.
“This is such a nice surprise. How are you? How are the boys?” She wastes no time asking about the guys. She loves them like they’re her own, especially Travis. She basically helped raise him. The two of us as teenagers? Not easy. We were a hazard to our neighborhood.
We catch up on the band and work, then the silence hits, each of us waiting for the other to broach the elephant in the room. It’s hard for me to do. I knew what to expect coming here, and I don’t blame her, but I’m failing. Though she’ll try to hide it, I see the disappointment on her face, and it guts me.
She plays with Dad’s wedding band, which is strung around her neck on a delicate gold chain. She never takes it off. “Have you heard from your sister?” The hope in her voice knocks the breath out of me.
I rub my hand across my face and glance out the window, unable to meet her eyes. “No.”
“Me neither. I call every day, but her voicemail is full, so I’m not able to leave messages.”
“I’ll go check on her. The band has a small break around Christmas.”
“Penn, you know she won’t like that. It’ll only push her farther away.”
No,hewon’t like it. She’s already a million miles away anyway.
“It’ll be fine,” I assure her.
“I don’t think ambushing her at her house is a good idea.”
I swallow hard. “Okay, Mom.” I don’t mean to lie to her, but even as I say it, I know I don’t have any other option. It’s been five months since we’ve laid eyes on Pacey. We know she’s alive. People around town talk. It’s only us she’s avoiding.
My job as a big brother and the man of this family is to take care of her, but I’ve failed at every turn. Instead of keeping our family together in the hardest times of our lives, I took off, living as if shit wasn’t falling apart around me. I should’ve been there for her.
After the Pacey talk, it’s hard to recover the mood. We eat dinner and avoid mentioning Pacey or my dad.
“Thanks for coming. It was a nice surprise.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too. Drive safe.” She kisses my cheek and stands at the door, watching me drive away.
As soon as I hit the road, my phone lights up with Travis’s face. I swipe it open and put it on speaker.
“Hey.”
“Hey, are you still at your mom’s?”
“Nah, heading back now. Need a ride?”
“Yeah. Do you mind?” he asks like he actually cares if I mind.He doesn’t.How else would he get around? I’m his personal chauffeur.
“No. Be there in about an hour.”
“Thanks, man.”
