“Good. That’s good.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I, uh?—”
“I have to go.” I start walking, but he calls after me, and I pause.
“I’m sorry, Liv! I know I should’ve said that a while ago.” To his credit, he does sound sorry, but it’s too late. “I was drunk, and that’s not an excuse, but shit.” He sighs. “I was caught off guard seeing you with someone else. I snapped and said some things I didn’t mean.”
His apology has tears springing to my eyes. Not because of him, but because I’m so tired and angry. People steamroll over me, and I let them. First my parents, then Chad, now Penn. Even in the short amount of time I’ve known Penn, he was the person I least expected to hurt me. He made me feel safe and secure, and I never even put my guard up.
Sudden fury lights under my skin. I’m not sure if it’s because of Chad, Penn, or myself. It’s likely a combination of everything.
“Liv, did you hear me? I said sorry.”
I shrug, my tone curt. “K.”
His eyes narrow. “K?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Chad. Thanks for your apology? Sorry I didn’t sit around and wait for you to screw other girls? Sorry you had to see me out living my life andcouldn’t handle your big boy emotions and got your ass kicked? Well, I’m not sorry, and I don’t accept your apology!”
I’m practically yelling. People walking by stop to stare, but I don’t care. It feels good to let it out. It’s cathartic. Old Olivia would’ve thanked him for his apology with a smile, no less. I probably would’ve even apologized, too, just to avoid the confrontation at all costs and let him off the hook. I’m tired of being that girl, tired of trying to please everyone. I’m sick of accepting what I’m told to do and how to act. Look where that has gotten me.
He stares at me in shock, like he has no idea who I am. “Jesus, Liv, calm down,” he says, his eyes darting around at the crowd we’re drawing.
“Calm down?!” I shriek, and he steps back, hands going up. I laugh maniacally at his fearful expression. I think I’ve finally snapped, like Ellie said I would. “Goodbye, Chad. Please never talk to me again.” I walk away, not wasting another second on him.
When I get home, Ellie is lying on the couch. “Hey, are you feeling better?” she asks.
I drop my stuff right on the floor and take a seat beside her. “I wasn’t sick,” I say.
Her forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Okay…”
I tell her everything, including my run-in with Chad. She listens, her mouth hanging open. By the time I’m done, my chest is a tiny bit lighter.
There’s a fire in her eyes that matches the one scorching my insides. “That motherfucker! I mean Penn—no! Fuck both of them!”
“I should’ve expected it, you know? It’s my fault, really.”
Although there’s a voice in my head telling me there’s no way I could’ve seen it. Penn didn’t use many words to tell me how he felt, but he showed me. Constantly.
Little acts like having my coffee waiting for me every morning I stayed over, asking about my blanket, and sending me screenshots of crochet things that popped up on his Instagram feed because he’d been looking. Always wearing his gloves, no matter what, like he was proud of them. He gave me no indication that we weren’t what I thought.
As if reading my mind, Ellie asks, “Could you have misread the situation? I’m not defending him, I swear. It just seemed like he was crazy about you.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so.” I leave out the forehead kiss because it hurts to think about. He made me feel so treasured when he did that to me. Now I feel stupid. He’s just giving those away to anyone?
She punches the pillow. “Those fucking musicians are going to pay. They think they can come into our lives and shit on us?”
“I’m okay. I just want to forget this ever happened. I’m chalking it up to life experience. After all, I wanted to make more memories here before I left, and that’s exactly what I did.”
“I’m sorry, Liv.”
I give her the best smile I can and retreat to my room. As soon as I power my phone back on, it buzzes with several notifications.
Penn:
How are you feeling?
Are you okay?
Olivia, you’re freaking me the fuck out. I’m coming over.
