“Hi, Mason,” I say.
“Can I come in?”
I nod, stepping to the side, letting him walk through the door. He’s only a few feet in before turning around to face me. His left cheekbone is still red and swollen from where Harry hit him the other day. I want so badly to kiss it, rub it, and then make love to him to help him feel better.
“I need you to know that I meant everything I said at your parents’ house.” He starts speaking before the door is even shut behind us.
I feel uneasy, slowly taking a seat at the small dining table. “We can’t do this anymore.”
“That’s not going to happen. You’re mine, Bailey. I’m not going to lose you.” He comes back at me, his forehead puckered with conviction.
I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing a stream of tears down my cheeks.
“I want to be with you,” he continues.
“And what happens next? When someone else comes along and piques your interest? Because we all know how well you like to commit. You said it yourself that this was just sex.”
“That’s not fair. It may have started out that way, but it’s different now. I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you, Bailey. You’ve always been a pain in the ass, but there’s also been something about you that has always lived within me,” he says.
I quickly get to my feet, placing one hand on my chest. “You don’t understand how bad it hurts to hear you say those words.”
“Why? Because they’re true? I’m sorry that I was an asshole and didn’t tell you sooner, but I’m telling you now, and I mean it with everything I’ve got.”
“You don’t even know what love is.”
His expression hardens. “Why would you say that to me?”
“Because you don’t. Have you ever really cared about someone else but yourself? You maintain these superficial, fake relationships and when you can’t pretend anymore, you bail. You’ve always been like that.”
Mason’s eyes lower and he looks away, a clear indication that my words affected him. They sounded a lot harsher than I’d expected them to.
“All those things might be true, but it’s different this time. I can see a life with you, a future. A future that Iactuallywant.”
“I’m no better than any of the other women you’ve had in your bed before me. I’m just a single mom that agreed to be your fuck buddy.” I run a shaky hand through tangled hair.
Mason’s lips purse together, forcing a hard, firm line. “Bailey, you’re so much more.” His voice cracks. “We’re so much more. You can’t tell me that you don’t feel it too. How can you not see that?”
Feeling like I can’t breathe anymore, this is all becoming too much. My bottom lip begins to quiver. “Fine! Is that what you want? Yes, I’m in love with you, Mason! I cannot stop thinking about you. It feels like I move through life holding my breath until the next time I see you, when I can finally breathe again. I crave you. I need you. I fucking love you, and it scares the shit out of me.” Tears sting my raw cheeks. “But that doesn’t matter because this can’t—” He presses a finger on my lips, stopping me from finishing what I was about to say.
“I want to be with you. You’ve become a part of me, Bailey. You and Luca feel like home. Your very essence feels like home. You occupy my thoughts every minute of every day,” he whispers. “That’s never happened before.” He takes two fingers under my chin, gently tilting my head toward his.
My eyes fall closed, and I feel his soft lips kiss me hard and deep. It’s magnetic and filled with love. The back of my eyes burn as I try to hold back the tears that fight to fall. As soon as they spill over, the moisture slides in between our cheeks, leaving his shiny and wet.
Drawing my shoulders in, I lower my head and turn away. “A child is forever. It’s all day, every day. It’s putting someone else’s needs and wants above yours. It’s making those tough and difficult decisions, even the ones that break you to make. It’s waking up every single day and living for someone else. Aperfect, tiny, little human being that depends on you for their life. That is what it’s like being a parent. Having your heart ripped out of you and then watching it walk around life. You don’t understand, Mason, and you have no idea. Luca and I are a built-in family. And that is why I’ve refused to put myself or anyone in this position. It’s a lot to demand of another person.”
He moves his palm from my chin, up my cheek, and slips it into my hair. The warmth from his touch causes me to lean into him.
“I know that, Bailey. I know all of that. But I’m not justanother person. I know you; we’ve known each other for a long time—and I know Luca. Iwantto be with you, and Iwantto be in his life. I want to attend Luca’s soccer games. I want to have taco night with you guys, pick him up from school, and take care of you both when you’re sick. I want it all,” he says, stepping into me. “I want to experience it all with you and by your side.”
“It’s not that simple.” My voice is hoarse.
“I will not lose you guys.” His eyes stay locked on mine.
I can’t be with Mason. He’s such a risk, and I am not in a position in my life to take risks. I have a little boy to think of. He told me himself that he never wanted kids. I don’t think I want any more, but I do have one now. I cannot put Luca at risk of losing another man in his life. What kind of mother would I be? I’ve already taken away his father and then the possibility of introducing him to another man that will most likely leave him as well.
This is the exact reason why I do not date. I have a fierce urge to protect my child, and I will do whatever I need to do until he is older and won’t be fazed if a man comes in or out of his life because, at that point, I hope to have raised him to be his own strong man.
I clamp my eyes shut once again before answering, unable to look at him, knowing what I’m about to say. “You can’t lose something you never had.”
