I kept my irons on at all times, even though they dulled my senses and drained my stamina. We moved at a snail’s pace because of me, though Lei hid any sign of impatience.
I began to dread the passage of each day, sensing the finite strength of my life force slipping away. I was only nineteen, for skies’ sake. Even my mother had lived longer than I. And Qinglong would have stolen both our lives.
The spite fueled me then, when exhaustion threatened tooverwhelm. Just another mile, I told myself, for Qinglong would not take me too.
All the while, Kuro clearly ignored Baihu’s caution. We saw more and more spirit gates cropping up along our path, which left me with a deepening sense of intertwined dread and guilt, so that I could barely look at the corpses littered on the forest floor, much less the still-writhing ones, alive but not for long.
How many had successfully made the transition? How many had emerged as spirit summoners, glorifying in their newfound power and awareness? How many already regretted their bargain? How many had begun to sense the insidious pull of corruption?
In the woods, we stumbled upon two crying children—a rare sight in these parts. I wished to avoid them, but Lei insisted on investigating.
Standing at the bank of a dried creek bed were two young girls, the older one around Rouha’s age. Though distressed, they appeared unharmed.
“What happened?” Lei asked, crouching in front of the older one.
“Ma,” she whimpered, pointing toward the creek bed. “She went through that…that pocket. She didn’t come out.”
The pocket was a spirit gate. It shimmered against the forest shadows, its surface rippling like an ocean tide. Even from a distance, I felt the luxurious heat radiating from it, the way its lixia tugged at me, calling me closer. But to Lei, it meant nothing.
“You,” said the younger girl, her huge eyes locking on me. “Help.”
Her expectant gaze unsettled me. Somehow, she knew I could help. She knew I could cross into the spirit realm and search for their missing mother.
“I-I’m sorry,” I whispered, backing away. “I can’t.”
The older girl grabbed my hand. “You can!” she insisted. “I know you can. Please.”
I yanked my hand free, too forcefully, and the girl stumbled back, landing on her bottom. “Why?” she cried out. “Why won’t you help us?”
I shook my head, as if swatting away an angry bee. Why must I help? Hadn’t I done enough? I had saved my kingdom during the war, only to be slandered for it. That was when I’d learned: selfishness was survival.
I had done my part; I had warned Kuro to stop. If the veil between realms tore, let the rest of the world solve its own problems. I would not lift a finger to help.
“Rui? Sisi?” A man crashed through the underbrush, sweeping his daughters into his arms when he saw us.
“Who are you?” he demanded. “What do you want?”
“She’s here to save Ma!” the older girl said confidently. “She’s the one from the stories!”
The man’s eyes settled on me, afraid and assessing. I took a step back. Always, I would be found lacking.
“Are you?” he asked, suspicion in his voice. “Are you the one we’ve been waiting for?”
In the silence, I felt Lei’s wordless gaze slide toward me, a gaze like a lit match.
“N-no,” I stammered. Then I turned and ran.
After that, I tried toavoid all spirit gates. It was not necessary to steer clear of them—Lei was immune to the lure of lixia, and I could come and go freely between realms—but my guilt was intensifying to the point of pain. Every portal was a reminder of theviolence I’d inflicted, the high cost of my hubris. And yet Lei would not allow us to deviate from our path. He made a point of passing every gate, looking into the faces of those lost to our world.
He did not try to convince me of any side or stance, but his silence conveyed more than words ever could. After all, I reminded myself, the Ximing prince always had his own agenda.
Only once did we run into bandits along the way. Instinctively, I reached for my irons, but Lei recognized my intent and stopped me. “No,” he said.
“But—”
“You know it’s not worth it,” he said darkly, and I recalled that it was Lei who’d held me as I’d suffered from lixia withdrawal, shaking through the odd hours of the night.
Before I could answer, he’d thrown a series of daggers, and within moments all the bandits lay wounded or dead.
