How thrilling, to finally be able to—
And she laughed and kissed me—
But surely, the tide will—
I kept leafing through the pages, until I was more than halfway through the book. Here a greater extent of the writing had been preserved, the ink less blurred. On one such page, a whole paragraph was readable:He is using me. Just as I am using him. But he is winning. His will overrides my own these days, in moments that I cannot recall. Is he stealing my memories? I worry my body is no longer my own—
Gradually, I saw, her handwriting had become like bird scratches, sparse and thin.
His goal is far more ambitious than anyone could have known. It is long-drawn-out, and yet, what is time to an immortal? He has been biding his time for centuries. I must stop him, before it is too late.
From her final entry:
I can feel myself fading, losing bits and pieces of myself day by day. Is it too late for me? And yet I cling to hope, that obstinate creature. I must hold out until the end of winter, when I can make my last journey to the Red Mountains—and save myself—
I slammed the book shut, my heart hammering in my chest. I could not keep reading. It was too painful, like trying to excavate shrapnel buried deep in the flesh.
My mother had died trying to thwart Qinglong’s plans, whatever they were. Stealing Zhuque’s seal? But he had not succeeded. No, his goals had always been far more ambitious than my own. He had likely wanted Zhuque’s seal for a larger purpose.
Thoughts of the dragon inevitably led to my jade. Its absence gnawed at me, leaving me weak and depleted. Perhaps the only thing sustaining me now was the overpowering presence of iron in these dungeons. Once I left, how could I possibly function without my seal? My hands twitched compulsively, until I finally drifted into sleep. In my dreams, my jade found me. In my dreams, I was made whole.
The clang of the outerdoor woke me. I heard the furtive rush of whispers, before a familiar shadow cut across the guttered prisonwalls. I recognized him by the slope of his gait, like a jungle cat’s. Cao Ming Lei.
Now that I thought about it, I had no idea how he’d managed his visits to me thus far. As a prisoner of war, his movements were surely restricted. But if anyone could bend the rules, it was the prince of Ximing.
What else could he manage, I wondered. What other rules could he circumvent?
“So you’ve been offered a way out,” said Lei, hands clasped behind his back as he studied me. “Will you accept?”
“How have you managed to visit me?” I asked, disregarding his question. “Surely the Imperial Commander would not allow it.”
Lei smirked. “Using your little brain again. I’m glad to see it.”
I scowled at his condescension. “Bribery?” I guessed. “But where have you the means?”
“There are things people want more than gold,” he replied. The knowing glint in his eyes told me he had the means to help me. Few were as charming or as cunning as he was. And what I needed was something no one else would dare attempt.
I still despised him for what he’d done to me in the Three Kingdoms War, the way he’d exploited and manipulated me as his prisoner. We were by no means friends but…I had few allies in this place. And after what we’d endured together to survive on Mount Fuxi, we were no longer exactly enemies either.
“Lei,” I started, struggling to keep the desperation from my voice. “Can you help me? I-I need my spirit seal.”
He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. “I can’t live without it,” I said in a rush. “I-I’m off-balance all the time. It’s hard to sleep, hard to think, hard to even breathe. If I’m to return to the palace, if I’m to stand a chance at court, I need it. Lei,” I said again. “I-I think my life force is tied to it now.”
“So you will accept, then,” he asked, his face as inscrutable as ever, “the Imperial Commander’s offer?”
I thought of my mother’s diary, which was hidden within the folds of my tunic.And yet I cling to hope, that obstinate creature. I must hold out until the end of winter, when I can make my last journey to the Red Mountains—and save myself—
In the end, it had been too late for her, and she had not lasted to catch the blossoms of spring. But she had wanted to save herself; she had not given up on this world as I had so often imagined. What had Qinglong done to her? And what was he planning now? I was no match for the dragon in my current state, but I could not surrender myself as I’d once believed my mother to have done. I would fight—until my bones were dust, I would fight.
“It’s a surprising offer,” I told Lei. “I don’t know why the Imperial Commander would agree to it, but…”
“Not for your sake, certainly,” said Lei. “Despite the official reports, legend of the woman warrior has spread far, and the people are restless. In the aftermath of war, famine has devastated the land. Do you know—news of your imprisonment has been met with anger, and in some cases rebellion? The warlord’s position is precarious, and now he needs his prisoner on a pretty pedestal, to comply with and promote his agenda. And will you obey?”
A yawning restlessness was building inside me, one I hadn’t felt since I’d fled my father’s house, all those months ago.
“You know how obedient I am,” was all I said.
Lei’s smile was like a knife in the dark.
