It was not Prince Keyan. No, it was never the princes.
It was always the nameless women, who would either be blamed, or cast out from history.
“Don’t lose yourself,” Lei said lowly. “No power is worth that.”
“I’ll decide that for myself,” I hissed. Even though it had been a long time since I’d truly wanted to kill him, no one else could provoke me quite like he could.
I stormed away, not caring that I was going in the opposite direction of the palace. I had to get away from him—I had to get away from his hypocrisy, his two-faced manipulations, his stupid sanctimoniousness. I had to—
“Why don’t you visit your family?” Lei called after me. I ignored him, but he caught up with me easily. I thought about drawing my sword on him, but the sun was quickly rising, and morning delivery wagons winding down the street. It would not do to cause a scene.
I turned in the opposite direction, heading for the palace.
“They live in Chuang Ning, don’t they?” he pressed.
“I’m prohibited from leaving the Forbidden City,” I retorted, despite my best intentions to remain silent.
“And you’re so used to obeying the rules…?”
We crossed the crescent moon bridge overlooking the Wen River. Once-green willow branches dangled lazily over the railing, waving hello in the wind. Lei could not have known this, but my family was quite close by—just a stone’s throw away. Within a few minutes I could be hugging Rouha and Plum, checking on UncleZhou’s bad leg, learning all the household updates from Xiuying. And yet, instead of warmth and excitement, the thought sent guilt spiraling into the pit of my stomach.
“There’s no point,” I said, heading away from Willow District.
“Why not?”
“They’ll just be disappointed.”
Lei waited.
Suddenly, I was burning to tell someone. I kept silent until we’d entered a narrow hutong alleyway, then turned to him. “I-I’m scared,” I confessed, the words tumbling out of me with a life of their own. “I’m scared they won’t respect what I’ve become. I’m scared they won’t recognize me.”
“Then become someone they’ll respect, Meilin,” Lei said, closing in on me. “Don’t let him change you.”
My shoulders went up. “This isn’t Sky’s fault!”
“Is that so?” asked Lei, arching an infuriating brow. “Curious—why is it, then, that I always seem to see him reaping the rewards of your labor?”
I glared at him. “We’re a team, Lei.”
“Then where is he?” Lei looked around the abandoned alleyway, as if expecting to see Sky lurking in the shadows. “Why did he leave you without a lookout?”
“I didn’t tell him,” I said defensively. Under Lei’s razor-edged gaze, I felt compelled to explain. “If I’d told him,” I muttered, “he wouldn’t have let me come.”
My eyes dropped to my worn shoes. But Lei slid his hand beneath my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “You deserve someone who will work with you,” he said, a muscle in his jaw clenching. “Not someone who treats you like you’re made of porcelain.”
I pushed his hand away. It was always like this between us: this relentless chase, this unending push and pull. We’d met under theruthless shadow of war, and perhaps the war still lingered between us, because we could never seem to find common ground, could never seem to hold a conversation that didn’t spiral into conflict.
But the sun was rising, and I was so very tired. “I can’t talk about this with you.”
“Then talk to someone else!” he cried out, exasperation breaking through his veneer of calm. “Talk to your family, for skies’ sake. But don’t shut everyone out; don’t do this alone, Meilin. Your enemies want you isolated—that’s how they control you.”
“You would know,” I snarled, shoving him back, hard enough to hurt. He fell back a step, rubbing his chest.
“What does that mean?” he asked with a sigh.
“It means you’re the master manipulator!” I burst out, breathing hard. Trying to keep my voice level, I said: “Did you really think I could trust you—after everything that you’ve done to me?”
His eyes flashed with barely suppressed emotion. But when he spoke, his voice was cold and remote, unfeeling. “I’m not a good person, Meilin,” he said. “But the difference between me and your little Anlai hero—I’ve never pretended otherwise.”
