“It won’t be enough,” Lei warned, as I prepared to take flight. His hand closed around my wrist. “Remember, you’re fighting from lower ground—you’re at a disadvantage.”
I struggled to break from his grip, but in the time he stalled me, Lord Xu had already returned to his desk.
“What is your problem?” I hissed, when he’d finally released me.
“You steal his name chop now, and he cannot use it to incriminate himself. Give them time. Let Lord Xu mark every damning document with Yuchen’s seal. Let them believe no one is watching. Only then, when the evidence paints a compelling picture on its own, do you strike.”
As the patrol changed, Lei rose from his crouch, and I followed, trailing him until we’d left the immediate vicinity of Lord Xu’s home.
On the streets of Chuang Ning, I tossed my mask and black robes into the bushes, revealing plain linen robes beneath. With the Spring Festival fast approaching to mark the new year, most Chuang Ning migrants had left the capital to return home and celebrate with their families, leaving only the locals behind. As a result, the usually bustling streets were empty, even as night above bled slowly into the first light of day.
Although I knew I should hurry back before Sky noticed my absence, I couldn’t resist the allure of the vacant city streets. Not knowing when I might return, I took advantage of the open space and paced back and forth, savoring these unguarded moments where I didn’t have to appear ladylike and proper, my every move scrutinized.
“The gaps in my memory are getting worse,” I confessed without thinking. I was too afraid to tell Sky, but Lei, who’d seen me after my seizure, already knew the worst of it. I pulled up my sleeve, staring at the dark, purple-black veins snaking along my arm before dropping it in disgust. “I’m afraid I’m losing my mind.”
Lei watched me with lidded eyes as he leaned against a boarded-up gate. The gate, once leading to an apothecary, was now defaced with graffiti scrawled in charcoal: “BLACK MAGIC LIVES HERE.”
“Why don’t you see a lixia specialist?” asked Lei.
“You sound like Sky,” I said irritably, before sighing. “I agreed to see a physician before the Spring Festival.”
“That’s nearly a month from now.”
I ignored him. I did not like to think of myself as superstitious, and yet I somehow believed that if I avoided a physician’s diagnosis, my body could heal miraculously on its own. Every morning I trained with Lily, and every night I meditated, strengthening and building my qi.
These days, I looked healthier, even if I did not feel healthier. My body had regained its muscle and my skin its supple elasticity. My hair was shinier and thicker, and my nails less brittle and prone to breakage. Yet inside, I couldn’t shake the tightening dread rising like bile in my throat. The ominous fear that I was losing parts of myself, and that I had fallen so far, I no longer knew what those parts even were.
Regardless, I should not be sharing this with Lei, who would only exploit my fears against me. I returned to my pacing. On the bright side, I had a way to take down Prince Yuchen now. But I still didn’t know what to do about the crown prince.
“Prince Keyan is too clean,” I muttered, thinking aloud. “I have no leverage against him.” I felt as though I were juggling a hundredballs at once, growing cross-eyed as I tried to keep them all in the air. Ironically, though I’d hated the war, now I missed the decisiveness of it, the way battles were fought with clear lines drawn. “Perhaps if I can catch Princess Yifeng poisoning the Imperial Commander…”
“Already tried that,” said Lei with a yawn. “She’s good. Covered all her tracks, just like your dear brother said.”
“Prince Yuchen is not my brother,” I snapped.
“Not yet,” he said, and something in his gaze made me falter.
“Lei.” My steps slowed as I stopped in front of him. The night air was cool, and without our earlier exertion, my sweat had dried, leaving a chill on my skin. “What are you planning?”
He smirked at me, revealing nothing. “Shall we go?”
Fourteen
Do you remember the elephant that Father received from the Leyuan delegation? You were only eleven back then, but I still recall how boldly you answered when Father asked how to have the elephant weighed. “Put the animal on a boat,” you told the entire court. “And mark the water level. Then replace the elephant with bricks until the boat reaches the same level.” Father was so proud. But your mother—I recall her anger, how harshly she scolded you! Perhaps she predicted the curse of your cleverness then. I know you say you are needed in the Anlai capital, but don’t forget to look after your own needs. If it is too dangerous out there, come home. We need you too.
—Cao Rea, in a private missive to Cao Lei, 924
Lei began to walk, andI hurried to keep up with his long, even strides. Even though the rooftops would have been faster, he opted for the more scenic route along the Wen River.
As we walked, I recalled what Lotus and Lily had told me—how he’d been fraternizing with certain nobles as of late. Knowing Lei, those couldn’t be happenstance friends. “You’re negotiating the treaty terms, aren’t you?” I speculated aloud. “For Ximing.”
I watched his face, the way he tilted it up toward the fading stars, as if expecting the night sky to fall upon us like a velvet blanket. Though he said nothing, I saw a tendon in his neck rise.
He’d once told me, on an equally late night, how the war had begun. After the collapse of Tianjia, the Three Kingdoms had been divided unfairly—leaving Ximing with nothing but scraps. Overtime, its people had grown hungry and vengeful, clamoring for change. And as violence begot violence, change became synonymous with war.
Could another unjust treaty become grounds for a second war? Weren’t the people sick of fighting already? And yet it did not matter what the people wanted, in a world such as ours. It mattered only what the throne wanted. And those in power would do anything not to give it up.
The system was broken, and I had suffered beneath its weight. But now, rather than try to fix it, I only wanted to rise above it, ensuring I would never be the one suffering beneath again.
