His only brother of the same parentage, I recalled, was Winter, whom I’d once encountered in the space between realms. Winter had sensed my affinity before I was even aware of his. He was the one who’d urged Sky to look after me. And Winter’s spirit affinity—it likely surpassed even mine.
No matter. I would not let Sky take on the enormous cost that I had borne. Sky, who was noble and purehearted, would never become a spirit summoner—not while I lived.
I’d always known of the Cardinal Spirits, but not until recently had I considered the existence of other, lesser ones. And yet, hadn’t I seen proof of them in the spirit realm, in my nightly wanderings? The floating, blinking lights in the dark world, most of them minding their own business, but others perhaps seeking out human vessels. And what if, I thought suddenly, the hairs on my arms rising, what if the new tears in the veil were causing more humans to wander into the spirit realm, and form a bargain with a waiting spirit?
Perhaps the spreading madness was not just the madness of a human overwhelmed with lixia energy. Perhaps it was also the madness of a human vessel, subsumed by its spirit master.
This was all getting more complicated than I’d ever imagined.
“I don’t know how the dragon is managing it,” Lei had said, “but I doubt we’ll find the answer within these palace walls.”
“Sky,” I began, and he frowned at me, guessing my intent. “The next time you have a lead, I want to go with you. I want to see these spirit gates for myself.”
“You were the one who told me they were too dangerous toapproach!” said Sky, outraged by my double standard. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Then you agree with your father?” I asked. “That I should become a noble lady, and never stray from the confines of the palace? That I am too weak to lift a sword, much less best a man with it?”
“You know I don’t agree with him, Meilin,” he said with growing irritation. “Of course, I would rather you come with me—you don’t think I value your judgment on these matters? But”—he bit his lip, his eyes roving down my body in a way that left me deeply insecure—“do you honestly think you could keep up?”
My eyes pricked with tears. I was frustrated with him for reminding me of my shortcomings, but even more so with myself—for having reached this state of unforgivable weakness.
At my tears, Sky’s face contorted. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I shouldn’t have—”
“No.” I cut him off. I refused to let him pity me like this. “I propose a deal.”
His expression took on a wary cast, but he did not interrupt.
“We’ll set aside the matter for the time being. But a month from now, before the new year, I will—I will consent to be examined by a physician. If I am deemed fit, then youmustallow me to accompany you. If I am not, then I will agree to stay.”
I would train every day, I resolved, my heart pounding. I would spend every waking hour on recovery. And slowly, I would heal.
This was the way I had tackled every problem in my life—and this was the way I would solve this one. There was nothing that hard work and determination could not fix. Nothing.
“All right,” Sky promised, without thinking it over. He was unlike Lei in every way. He wore his emotions on his sleeve. He said exactly what he thought. And he did not see the world in terms of power structures and twisted games, but instead as black and white,good and evil. In some aspects, I envied him, because the world to him was knowable, just as he was knowable. The doubt I felt every day of my life was foreign to him. Perhaps, I mused, if I could keep him by my side, those doubts would be banished forever.
I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. He caught me around the waist and pulled me close before I could escape. “What was that for?” he asked teasingly. But before I could respond, the gong sounded below. Midday had arrived.
With mounting apprehension, I peered over the edge at the crowd below. Some were still jeering, their taunts cruel, yet oddly exuberant, as if they took pleasure in this spectacle. Only one girl stood unmoving in the crowd. She was tall, her build slight.Lily, I recognized with a pang. What was she doing down there?
I shivered with unease, and Sky wrapped his cloak around me, mistaking my discomfort for cold.
The provincial magistrate read out a list of the prisoner’s crimes before giving him a chance to speak.
“I, Duan Mingze, have never sought to harm a living creature. My only crime is in dreaming of a better, more prosperous world, and hoping that we might rebuild this kingdom into a place more beautiful than we left it.”
I could feel his qi intertwined with lixia, and in his voice—I could hear that unmistakable echo. It was the voice of his spirit master, speaking through him. And yet his spirit master felt so unlike my own, inclined toward life instead of destruction.
Were spirits in fact like men, not a monolith as a species, but as separate and distinct as the veins of leaves?
I expected the crowd to be moved by his speech, but instead, they jeered louder, some laughing at the audacity of his words. They were afraid. They were afraid, and so they channeled theirfear into a thirst for violence. I knew, because I had once done the same.
Hiding my face against Sky’s chest, I did not watch as the magistrate handed the prisoner off to the executioner. Sky held me in his arms, not questioning my sudden sensitivity.
It was an inexplicable sensation, following no reason or precedent. And yet I couldn’t shake it, that peculiar feeling that somehow I was the one responsible for this crime. That if not for me, Duan Mingze would not be standing where he was today. He would be alive, and I—well, perhaps I would be dead.
The axe met its mark. The crowd cheered as the body fell.
Thirteen
