“Ah,” said Yuchen, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “The notorious woman warrior. You’re certainly prettier than the rumors suggest.”
Behind him, Ruihua fought to keep her expression neutral.
“I didn’t know you wore dresses,” he continued, his eyes roving down my body. “For the songs always mention a pair of shapely legs.”
Ruihua coughed, while Caihong wore her disapproval openly.
“I thought you knew better than to trust the drunken bards,” chided Caihong. “Don’t they claim the Imperial Commander to be taller and stronger than a stallion?”
“And that you have the wit of a tiger?” said Ruihua, recovering.
“All true,” said the prince, chuckling. He savored a long sip of wine before his lascivious eyes slid back to me. Though he gave the appearance of propriety, something in his look made my skin crawl. “What a quiet one you are,” he remarked. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
Three apprehensive gazes shifted in my direction. I felt the weight of their attention, their judgment, the way they assessed my every word and found me wanting.
What would Xiuying do? Perhaps she would make a joke, or flatter them, or simply smile. But I could not muster any clever words, and my face had forgotten how to contort itself into anything more than a grimace.
So I only shook my head.
I was used to being a disappointment. But it did not make the sting any less sharp.
Caihong covered up the moment graciously, insisting that Prince Yuchen take more soup. As more courses were served, I tried to eat, but my stomach churned at the reminder of my own incompetence. How could Sky possibly tie himself to me, when I was this inept and unworthy of his world?
I swallowed, wondering if I was going to be sick. I glanced at Lotus, signaling my intent to leave.
“Your Highness,” I started, but my hoarse voice barely rose above the hum of conversation.
“Your Highness,” I tried again, and this time my voice rang out too sharply. I did my best to carry on. “Thank you for the kind invitation, but I’m not feeling well and think it best if I retire early…”
Slowly, Prince Yuchen slid his chair back to survey me, so that he gave me no personal space. I ignored him, looking to the princess.
“Of course,” she said. “I do hope you’ll recover soon. I’d heard of your…condition…but of course, please, don’t let us keep you.”
I nodded, eager to leave. As I rose, I heard Caihong’s gasp of warning, but it came a moment too late. There was a great ripping sound as the delicate fabric of my dress came apart. I tried to step back only to realize my skirt was captured by the leg of Prince Yuchen’s chair.
He’d deliberately moved his chair to accomplish such a feat.
The long tear in my skirt now revealed my bare legs, up to my thighs. Prince Yuchen snorted with laughter as I yanked the hem of my dress from under his chair. I tugged hard enough that he nearly fell, which sobered him.
Clutching my skirt to minimize the tear, I gave them a short bow before rushing out of the room. Tears stung my eyes—tears of rage. Did he not know that I had saved his life, and the lives of all the royals safely ensconced in the Forbidden City? Did he not knowthat without me, Anlai never would have won the Three Kingdoms War?
But no one knew. The Imperial Commander had branded me a traitor and an anarchist. And now I was simply expected to accept his pardon as though he were a magnanimous and benevolent ruler.
My legacy had been stolen from me, just as it had been from my mother. The thought of being remembered, at best, as a victim of the war, when I should have been celebrated as a hero—it was a knife to the gut. Xiuying would have said it was enough that I knew what I had done. But I was not selfless like her, and I wanted everyone to know it. To know me and to fear me.
“It was a cruel thing he did,” Lotus said, as soon as we were back in the safety of my quarters. “I’ve always hated him most out of all the princes. He treats the servants terribly. How Princess Ruihua stands him, I have not a clue.”
“She doesn’t have a choice, does she?” I snapped, shoving the ruined clothes off my body. “He doesn’t care for her wishes, or the wishes of any women in his life.”
I had always known men like him, men who would never respect me until I showed them why they had to. How dearly I wished for my powers then, the ability to make his eyes widen and his lips stutter with fright. If only I could threaten him as I’d once threatened Red, a soldier in my platoon, who had learned not to disrespect me after I had taught him a lesson.
I missed my black magic, my lixia. And yet it did not come without strings attached.
“You’re even worse than your mother,” Qinglong had said, the night of the ambush on Mount Fuxi. “I should let you die a worse death than her.”
Seconds later, he’d tried to drown me. He might have succeeded,if the prince of Ximing had not fastened iron around my wrist, dragging me back into the human realm.
I shivered at the memory. I had destroyed the phoenix’s seal instead of handing it over to Qinglong as he’d told me to, and now he was furious with me. What were his ulterior motives? I did not know. He had always hidden far more from me than I had succeeded in hiding from him. All along, he’d been using me.
