“You know exactly what I’m asking. I entrusted her to you, Amos. My sister is still a kid, and I didn’t give you permission to take advantage of her sweetness.”
“Lillyana is not a child, and you’re acting like an asshole, blind to the fact that she’s grown into a beautiful, strong woman.”
“Lilly may be all of that, but she’s not for you.”
“Fuck you,” I growl—because his words cut deeper than I want to admit, precisely because they’re true.
“She’s off limits, Amos. Lilly is too good for men like us!” he shouts. “You’re not worthy of kissing the ground she walks on. Never forget what we are.”
“And what are we?”
“Soldiers. Killers,” he says without hesitation. “You, more than anyone, should know that. You’re not good enough for mysister. You’ll use her the way you’ve used every other woman, and I swear to God I’ll never forgive you if you hurt her.”
I stare at Lilly’s message on my phone, lying on my hotel bed. After the call with Ethan, I decided to stay one more night on the West Coast.
Lilly:Hey, just checking in to see if you’re okay.
Several minutes pass before I answer—because I feel torn in two.
No, that’s a lie. There’s no division, because I know exactly what I want: her. In the most selfish way possible, I want all of her.
But my conscience held me back from flying straight back to Boston, because the second I’m there, I’ll forget that conversation with Ethan entirely.
Me: I’m fine.
I reply simply.
Lilly:Good. I’m glad to hear that. I was worried.
Fuck, what am I doing? Dragging this angel into my personal hell? Turning her peaceful, stable life into a sea of agony? I can feel her anxiety in every word.
Me: I can take care of myself. Was that all you wanted?
Lilly:Yes. Thank you.
I drop my phone, feeling like a complete fucking mess.
I can’t do this. No matter how I try to rationalize Ethan’s words, the second I replied to her last message, I regretted it.
Fuck Ethan and his goddamn judgments. He doesn’t even know her anymore!
I can feel the pain I’ve caused her, even from a distance. What I just did—hurting her like that—was unforgivable.
I’ll face any storm, because Lilly doesn’t deserve me being dishonest about my feelings. About anything.
I’ve never been proud of myself, but right now, I feel like the worst piece of shit alive for letting Ethan make me feel unworthy of her—to the point of hurting her under the pretense of protecting her.
The truth is, I accepted his words so quickly because they only confirmed what I already knew: that I will never be good enough for her.
I need to fix this.
Should I call her?
No, I’m not a damn teenager.
Maybe the damage was worse than a simple phone call could fix.
I get up from the bed, grab my suitcase and backpack, and send a message to Blood, letting him know I’ve changed my mind—we’re leaving.
