“What do you mean by mixed signals?”
Her cheeks turn red. “I don’t know much about myself or about sex yet, but if what happened today is an example of your kind of control, I . . .um . . .Ikind oflike it. But I won’t let you control me outside the bedroom, Amos. Never. You want a casual relationship, as far as I understand. I’m your girlfriend, but I shouldn’t make plans beyond the next few days. That rules out planning our trip to Paris, but I won’t let you dictate what I do with my life either.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I have friends—guys and girls—and I’m going to keep having them. There aren’t many, but they’re precious. My grandma told me once that you can’t have everything in life, and she was right. If our relationship is about the here and now, fine. But I’m not going to erase all the other people in my life just to be with you. You laid your cards on the table. I’m laying down mine. I won’t deny you anything—because I don’t want to. What happened between us . . . I never thought it was even possible. But if I’m supposed to keep my feet on the ground, because that’s your rule, then I won’t let you tell me what to wear or who to talk to.”
She doesn’t give me a chance to answer. She gets out of bed and heads for the shower.
Chapter 39
I can’t stop watching him as he walks around the kitchen, making us breakfast.
After I ran off to the shower, it didn’t take him long to follow. Amos didn’t apologize for what he’d said earlier, and I didn’t take back what I’d vented either. I don’t regret it. I was overwhelmed by everything that happened, and even though I knew he never promised me a forever, hearing him say it all depended on his will bruised my pride.
It was our first real fight since we got together at the beach, and even though I knew we were both upset, that didn’t stop my body from going completely crazy the moment he stepped into the shower with me.
All it took was him pulling me into his strong body for the anger to melt away.
Despite the raw desire crackling between us, it wasn’t just about sex. Amos held me like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words.
I don’t know how long I stayed in his arms, the warm water relaxing my limbs, but I vaguely remember him washing me—my hair, face, body. Then he wrapped me in a big towel, dried me carefully, and carried me back to bed.
There was no rush, no frantic need for pleasure. He undressed me and explored every inch of me like he was testing how I’d react to his touch. And when he finally made love to me again, Amos never broke eye contact, refusing to let me look away.
I gave myself to him completely—but tried to keep my heart out of it.
It didn’t work.
How could I, with zero experience, possibly know what to do to keep myself from falling for him? How do I protect myself from the way he looks at me, when in silence he says the exact opposite of what comes from his mouth?
I fidget with the napkin, pretending I’m not obsessing over his solid abs and broad chest. Desperately trying not to stare at the low-slung sweatpants that are the only thing hiding his sex from me.
“Keep looking at me like that and you’re not getting any breakfast.”
My cheeks heat up, caught red-handed, but I still try to play it cool. “And how exactly am I looking at you?”
He stops whisking the omelet and leans both hands on the counter with a wicked grin. “Like you’d rather be eating something else.”
Embarrassed as I am, I’m not a liar. “Can’t deny it.”
“Such a tease.”
“I am not. I’m sweet and innocent.”
He comes over to me and, lifting me off the stool, sits down with me straddling his lap. “All you have to do is breathe to turn me on, Lilly.”
And to prove it, he presses me against his body, letting me feel just how hard he is.
“Mmm . . .Who’s teasing who now?” I moan, already desperate.
“Just giving you a taste of your own medicine. I’m not going to take you again. I don’t want to hurt you. I have a voracious appetite and I’m going to fuck you every day, but I’m not a heartless bastard. I’ll wait for you to recover.”
My chest tightens at his words, echoing back in my mind:
I never said it would be just today—just didn’t want to think in terms of a future.
“I’m not that sore. I don’t want to wait at all. I want it all. I’m going to use you as my personal pleasure toy.”
