It feels like a knife to the gut. But I know I deserve whatever she throws at me.
“I don’t care where we are. I’ll follow you anywhere.”
“You say that now. But will you still feel the same tomorrow?”
We step into the hotel room, and Lilly walks over to the window. I lean against the door, unsure what she wants from me. My body is aching to touch her, I’m fighting a brutal war with myself, but I hold back.
“I want you. I love you like crazy, Amos. But I won’t be manipulated.”
“Lilly—”
“No. Now I’m going to talk. I want everything between us—or I want nothing. I won’t accept halfway. You already told me what you do for work, and I know what you like behind closed doors. I know you. I gave myself to you without holding back, but that’s not enough because you still see me as some fragile porcelain doll. I’m ready to be your woman, and if you can’t see that, it’ll hurt, but I’d rather walk away now.”
“It’s not a good idea to threaten me, Lillyana.”
“I’m not threatening you. I’m demanding what’s mine. You’re mine—and I’m yours. How can you not see that?” She looks angry and defeated all at once. “Why can’t you see that, Amos?”
I run a hand through my hair, trying to clear my head. “I’m on the edge, baby. Not just because of what happened tonight.” I take a deep breath. She’s watching me, but she doesn’t look afraid. “You have no idea what I’ve done these past few days.”
What would she say if I told her I tortured a man without mercy—carving him up piece by piece until I got every bit of information I wanted?
She’d run as far away from me as possible.
“No, I don’t, because you still won’t tell me anything. You still won’t trust me to be what you need. Test me, Amos.”
“Jesus Christ, Lilly. Don’t push. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Why don’t you just admit I’m not enough for you? Don’t lie to me! I won’t live with lies anymore. I’m done pretending I don’t care about always coming second.”
“Second?That’s what you think? That you’re not the first priority in my life?” I know I’m losing it, but now that the door’s open, I can’t stop. I take a step closer, my body alive with energy.
She trembles—but I don’t give a damn if she’s scared right now.
“Are you sure this is what you want? To see who I really am?” She nods—but that’s not enough. “Say it, Lilly.”
“Yes, to anything with you. It will always be yes for you, as long as I’m sure you love me. Even if you’ve never said it—and believing it might make me a fool—I know you love me as much as I love you.”
I choose to ignore her words because I can’t deal with feelings right now. The thought that she’ll leave me once I tell her about Jonathan is firmly rooted in my mind.
Like the selfish bastard I am, though—I want one more night. One more time with her before she learns who I really am and pushes me away for good.
“We’ll talk. But first, I want you.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am. You want answers? You’ll give me everything I want first. You’ll submit to my desire.”
“Have I ever not done that?”
“Before we start, one thing: you can ask me to stop at any time. But that’s it. For everything else, you say yes. No questions.”
Her throat moves as she swallows hard. “I trust you. I won’t ask you to stop.”
I hold her gaze for a few long seconds, knowing there’s no turning back. “Strip,” I order harshly.
I see the apprehension on her beautiful face and almost hope she won’t obey. But after a moment’s hesitation, she starts unbuttoning her blouse. My pulse pounds so hard I can hear the blood in my ears. I’m mesmerized by her innocent striptease—by her faith in me, even after what she’s been through today.
“All of it?” she asks, trying to sound brave, though I can see how nervous she is.
