“I’m not being impulsive. I’ve thought about it a lot. With every day we spend together, I’m more certain of what I want. The social worker said his nightmares have eased since I started visiting him.”
“And Amos? What will he think?”
“Honestly, I’m not worried,” I say, struggling to keep the hurt from showing. “I’m sure he cares about me, even if he’s keeping his distance. But I don’t know if that’s enough for himto commit to a real relationship—and I won’t settle for anything less.” Saying it brings tears to my eyes, and to hide it, I look down at my feet. “I spent so much of my life pretending it didn’t hurt to be overlooked—but I’m done putting myself last. I’m worth it. I deserve someone who wants me with the same intensity that I do. If he can’t do that, no matter how scary the idea is, I’ll move on.”
“You’re brave as hell,” he says, clearly impressed.
“Not really. I’m terrified. But I won’t let anyone underestimate me anymore. It’s time I take control of my life.”
“Angel Lilly, will you take me to your house one day?” the little boy I want for myself—my ray of light in the middle of so much pain—asks me.
I pull him into my arms. “I’m trying to get permission.”
“What’s that?”
“So you can spend the day with me outside the clinic, the doctors and the judge have to approve it. As soon as they say yes, I’ll take you to see where I live.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. I’ve never broken a promise, have I?”
He shakes his head. “Why Amos not come see me anymore?”
“You mean, 'Why hasn’t Amos come to see me anymore?'“ I correct gently.
“Why hasn’t Amos come to see me anymore?”
“Because he’s been working a lot.”
I kiss the top of his head, praying he doesn’t ask anything else—because honestly, I don’t know what I’d say.
An hour later, as I’m leaving the clinic, a message from Ethan catches me completely off-guard.
He asks if I can come to his apartment tonight. Says he needs to tell me something about Ramon.
I don’t know how to react.
As much as I try to act strong, the insecurity swallows me whole. I’m terrified of running into Amos and hearing, without any room for doubt, that our story is over.
Me: Okay. What time?
Ethan:Is eight too late?
Me: No. I’ll see you at eight.
Ethan:Don’t go out without the guards.
Me: Okay.
Throughout the day, my brother changes the time of our meeting three times, which annoys me, but not wanting to sound like a spoiled little brat, I go along with it without complaint.
The idea of walking into Amos’s place, after he’s made it clear he wants distance, doesn’t thrill me.
I’ll see what Ethan has to say and get out of there as quickly as I can.
Chapter 62
The first thing I notice when the elevator stops is different music. The kind you’d hear in a nightclub.
