‘Holy shit!’ she muttered.
‘What?’
Elena looked at him, then looked back at her phone.
Rory leant forwards. ‘You okay?’
‘Talking about names reminded me how Morag asked if you’d ever looked into the origins of yours. I felt a sudden compulsion to google it. You’ve really never done that?’
‘Nah. A name’s a name, right? Why? With this talk of travel, do you reckon Bunker is German? It does sound like it. Perhaps my ancestors were Berliners.’
‘It’s actually rather lovely. Bunker comes from the Old Frenchbon couer, meaning good heart.’
‘Cool.’ Rory shuffled and made himself more comfortable in the bean bag. He beat a hand on his chest and smiled. ‘Glad to know I’m truly a good’un.’
‘Rorycomes from the Frenchroi, meaning…’
‘King! One of the few words I remember from a French-subtitled historical Netflix series I loved. I’ve never connected my name with it before but, of course, it makes complete sense,’ he said and grinned, giving a regal wave.
‘But don’t you see?Good hearted King. That’s what your name means. The king of hearts.’ She picked up the card. ‘This card has got to represent you, Rory.’ There was someone – it washim– who’d helped her sort of the mess she felt her life was. Unlike the King of Hearts inAlice in Wonderland, Rory was bold, andstrong in the sense that he supported people who needed it; he wasn’t afraid of recognising when he needed help too, such as moving on from trying to live his mother’s life for her.
Of course, along the way, he’d stolen Elena’s heart, even though he must never find out.
Rory stared at the card. He reached out and took her hand. ‘Wow. Okay. Because actually, the word heart… it makes sense. That’s… it’s… amazing! You see…’ He covered his eyes for a moment. ‘Gah! I just need to go for it. Okay. Elena Swan, I know you don’t feel the same, but Paris helped me see the obvious – that I’m wholly, irrevocably’ – his voice broke a little – ‘in love with you.’
He waswhat?
Her heart pounded.
She’d do anything to believe those words, anything to be able to act upon such a declaration. But she must have misunderstood.
She slid her hand out of his. ‘Look… I… I don’t know if this is some joke or… you think those words will make me feel good… but how could you be? I’ve been convinced about an imaginary promise for twenty years. How could anyone trust what I say now? Or hang around until I sort myself out? You deserve someone who’s got their shit together. I’m going to need time, lots of it, to… to reassess so much of my life.’
Rory’s cheeks matched his festively coloured jacket and trousers. ‘You truly believe I’m that shallow? That I’m only interested in the good times I make you dance about?’
‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s one reason I… like you so much. But I don’t even know who I am any more, so how can you? Youaremy king of hearts, Rory – Moragwasright, you’ve been more important than anyone ever has. You’re up there with Gayle and Mum and Dad. But I’d never go out with anyonewho must have changed their opinion of me – Elena, the supposed go-getting, successful marketeer who works with numbers and statistics, with concrete facts, yet who was convinced that uttering a few words twenty years ago put her life in jeopardy.’
‘My opinion hasn’t changed.’
‘Rory, stop.’ This was too painful, rejecting what she’d longed for so very much.
He straightened up. ‘Wait… I’ll prove it.’ He got out his phone. ‘I wrote this journal entry, Tuesday night, when I stayed at mine and didn’t have my notebook. It’s a private note. Why would I lie to myself?’ Rory showed her the screen.
Elena is the most incredible, strong woman I’ve ever met, who’s held her own against what might well have been a debilitating illness for years, who’s always done her best for other people. I couldn’t respect and admire her more.
Oh.
‘As for the OCD stuff… I understand… to a degree. You see, I’ve convinced myself of something for years, about my mum – and talking things through with you, about why exactly I’ve done extreme sports, has made me come to terms with it; has helped with the guilt.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Mum had ovarian cancer. She found out when she was pregnant with me and refused to terminate the pregnancy to have treatment. They cut out a tumour as soon as I was born, but the cancer came back the next year. For so long I’ve believed her death was all my fault.’ His voice hitched.
‘Oh, Rory. I’m so very sorry. But… it was your mum’s decision and utterly out of your control. And didn’t she tell that teacher of yours who knew her at baby group that you’d made her life complete and she wouldn’t change a thing, given her time again?’
His eyes glistened. ‘Yes. I’ve realised lately how much of my life has been spent living for her, because of that guilt – so I understand the guilt you’ve felt over your mum. We’ve both suffered. I can see now Mumwouldwant me to live my life for me, like she did during the years she was alive.’
They sat in silence for a few moments, holding each other’s hands, understanding flowing between their fingers.
Rory cleared his throat. ‘I know I’m not your type,’ he said briskly, ‘but I had to get my feelings out there. I, Rory Bunker, think you’re fucking amazing. Jacques – the hotelier in Paris – helped me work it out that night we went back to the hotel, after you told me about the fortune teller at the Sacré Coeur. Jacques said that the person you are in love with is like home… like an escape from the world. You’re my hidden library, Elena. My feelings for you have created the high that’s made me realise lately I don’t need to do extreme sports to feel alive. You’re an incredible person, not only in spite of your challenges, butbecauseof them.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ she asked faintly.
