Swim the Channel.
Spend a whole month here without a comfy mattress and Pringles.
Amy was still sitting on the steps to our shack. I went over. She stood up. We both hesitated. I rushed forwards and pulled her towards me in a tight embrace.
‘I’m so sorry for being an ungrateful cow.’
‘I’m sorry, too. For everything I said. I’m just tired too.’ A pained expression crossed her face. ‘You’ve an absolute right to feel miffed. I should never have booked a holiday like this without consulting you first.’ She looked sheepish. ‘Typical me. I didn’t think about anything like the insects or the dirt.’ She shook her head. ‘All these years we’ve lived together and I’ve teased you about your obsession with dusting and vacuuming. I should have realised this trip wouldn’t tick any of your boxes.’
‘Obsession? Amy. I hate to tell you this, but you’re the abnormal one, being happy to live with crumbs everywhere.’
She didn’t smile but instead peered up at me, from under her fringe. ‘This trip was meant to thank you for being the best sister ever, but instead…’ She bit one of her nails. ‘I’ve messed up, haven’t I? By being spontaneous?’
Heart thumping, I took her by the shoulders.Messed up? I hated hearing those words that Dad so often used to say.
I recalled one time she got seven out of ten in an important maths test at primary school. The teacher had given her a special certificate. Mum and I were so proud, especially as that had been the highest mark in her class. But Dad…
‘Sevens won’t get you a great job like mine, Missy,’ he’d said.
He was the reason she’d never had the confidence to become an actual vet. Mum would give her a cuddle, and sweets, say that Dad was just ambitious, but over time his words engraved themselves in her mind.
Sweets became Mum’s way of making up for the harsh tones of the man she nevertheless loved. Amy wasn’t a fan of them but I was. When hormones and the teenage years hit, along with my love of baking, I continued to fill out and Dad started to pick on me for my shape. Thankfully I’d reached an age where I was starting to see him with fresh eyes and realise that curves where nothing to be ashamed of.
Although that realisation didn’t stop me working hard to always look well-groomed. Just like Mum and Anabelle I looked after my hair and wore makeup.
My last boyfriend said I needed to learn to chill. We’d gone swimming. I swam with my head above the water so that my mascara didn’t run.
How stupid was that? Still trying to impress a man I didn’t see and thought so little of?
I squeezed Amy’s shoulders. ‘No. Ungrateful me is the one in the wrong. It was just a shock. This is going to be the best break ever. One I’ll never forget. Just imagine, Amy – we’ll actually be helping this troubled planet dogged by melting ice caps and extreme weather. You can’t put a price on that.’
‘You’re just saying that,’ she mumbled.
I put my hands on my hips, steeling myself not to squeal as a long-bodied insect landed on my skirt. ‘I’m not.’ I thought about Jonas. ‘Apart from anything else, it’s going to look fantastic on my CV, now that I… I mean… if I ever change jobs. You’ve done brilliantly to book this trip. It must have taken a lot of organisation. And I don’t know how you managed to keep the exact details secret. I could never do that. I’d have accidentally blurted them out by now. I’m so impressed.’
Her words echoed through me – about how she felt I still treated her like a child. Was I really that bad?
‘Impressed? Honestly?’
Resigning myself to four weeks in this hellhole, I nodded vigorously.
9
I didn’t enjoy lying – especially to Amy – about me actually being excited about staying. However now and then I honestly believed it was the kindest thing. I’d worked that out by the time I was eleven when Mum died and I promised my little sister that everything would be all right, that we would be okay.
‘This month will prove that I’m up for any challenge. I can already picture myself now, in an interview room, talking about the compost toilets. Rick described some of the tasks ahead of us – I can’t wait!’
I didn’t want her to think I was pretending to want to stay. She’d only put herself last and insist we both went back to London immediately. Rick passed by at that moment, with the water bottle bag Jackie had been carrying. I swept the insect off my skirt.
‘Rick?’
He stopped.
‘I was just telling my sister how I’ve changed my mind about leaving because that chat with you about the four weeks’ activities really inspired me.’ I gave him a hard stare.
He paused and I held his gaze. Eventually a smile crossed his lips. ‘Sure… Amy… I’ve seen a lot of volunteers over the last three years and it’s clear to me Sarah istotallyup for roughing it. Getting last-minute nerves after arriving is totally normal. I’ve seen it time after time. I think both of you are going to be great assets to the project. Thanks again for booking.’
Amy stood more upright.
