Amy pointed at the hammocks. ‘It’s just like that jungle celebrity programme you love.’
‘That’s on the telly. I get to watch it in my pyjamas, on a comfy sofa, with my cosy water bottle and mug of hot chocolate,’ I hissed.
No wonder Jonas had reservations. He’d known what was coming. Numbly I followed Jackie, further back into the forest. She pointed to two unisex cubicles, their walls made from sheets of hemp. Their roofs were made from corrugated metal. To the right stood a basic sink and bar of soap.
Please. No.
‘Composttoilets?’ said Benedikt and his face lit up as he took out his phone. ‘My Instagram followers won’t believe it.’ He started singing ‘Circle of Life’ fromThe Lion King.
Jackie pulled aside the front sheet of hemp of one cubicle to reveal what looked like a plastic-rimmed bucket in the middle of a square box. ‘You sit on the seat and do your business, then…’ She pointed to a bowl of sawdust next to a roll of toilet paper. ‘Sprinkle a handful of that on top. Once the bucket is full someone must empty it – your name will be put on a rota for that. All the rotas are in the canteen. Each cluster of shacks has its own toilets.’
Amy kept shooting me nervous looks.
About ten metres further into the forest we stopped and Jackie pointed to something called the compost bay that was a shallowly fenced off area of ground, about two metres square and in two halves. ‘You pour the bucket’s contents into this half and then fork the hay from the other half on top. Everything is left then, to compost down. You just keep repeating this process until the bay is full. This lovely compost is perfect for growing vegetables.’
‘Every household in Europe should be made to have one and eat homegrown produce,’ said Helga.
‘I don’t think there would be many vegans, if they did,’ I said weakly to Jonas.
We walked back towards the camp and veered right. There was a white shower block. It didn’t have a roof. We opened individual doors behind each of which was a plughole and shower head.
Amy had mentioned my favourite reality show. Perhaps that’s what this was. I looked around hopefully for cameras but enthusiastic television presenters didn’t jump out of the bushes. I rubbed my eyes and opened them again… this had to be a bad dream. Perhaps I was still on the aeroplane and would wake up to some charming air steward offering me a glass of Prosecco and a packet of nuts.
It reminded me of how I felt, the day I left home, all those years ago – like I didn’t belong. I remembered giving my stepmother a small smile and ignoring Dad’s glare as I walked down the drive… I’d never forget the surreal prospect of coping alone as an adult. I’d missed Mum even more than usual at that particular moment – especially after his cruel accusation that followed me into the taxi like a slow-moving poison dart. I didn’t have a family. Or a home. All I had was the dream of, one day, being able to build a life with Amy.
I looked up at the treetops. All my creature comforts were back in England. My familiar life. The certainty of routine.
None of the creatures here would be comforting.
‘Eventually you’ll get used to all the bugs, attracted by the water,’ said Jackie, ‘but if you find a tarantula Malik is more than happy to move it with a bucket and brush. He grew up over on Tortola. We’re very lucky to have him. His brother is a marine biologist who runs a conservation project there and Malik has picked up a lot of his knowledge. His wife, Zina, lives on Tortola, working in a beauty salon, but Malik spends many nights here during the summer as he’s up early to cook breakfast and—’
‘Did she say tarantula?’ I glared at my sister.
‘They’re not much different to anything back in England, really,’ said Amy brightly. ‘Just think of them as house spiders with glamorous fur coats.’
‘Nothing is glamorous about this place,’ said Jonas.
He already felt like a best friend.
Why would anyone spend thousands of pounds on a break like this? It didn’t make sense. This Rick bloke was taking advantage of well-meaning people by charging that much.
‘It’s cold water, of course, but you’ll probably be grateful for that after a day out in the heat,’ said Jackie. ‘The sea is only a five-minute walk away, if you fancy a dip there instead.’
‘I’m so excited,’ said Helga and calmly swatted away a wasp.
I didn’t like wasps but at least it was an insect I’d seen before.
‘It reminds me of summers spent roaming the Black Forest as a small child,’ Helga continued and turned to her brother. ‘They were such fun,nicht wahr?’
‘I could never wait to get back to my books and drawing pencils.’
She clapped him on the back. ‘Always you protest too much. Fresh air like this for one month – think how healthy and clear-minded we will be on our return home in August.’
‘Just imagine what a sense of achievement we’ll feel after our stay,’ said Benedikt. ‘I’m betting it will feel even more intense than the rush I got after climbing Everest last year with my colleagues at the bank – or when I saw the number of likes I got on Instagram when I posted a photo of me at the peak.’
Clearly this was a holiday for adrenaline junkies.
‘Are spiders very common around here?’ asked Jonas.
