A sudden jerk against my shoulder throws me back into the reality of my body, a jerk so hard from a hooded man that I turn to watch him walk out through automatic doors. His head is down, his face angled towards the floor, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his navy jumper. He never looks back or ventures to offer an apology. I shake my head to find sense and tell my legs to keep moving towards the lifts despite the increasing weakness they feel. The lift clicks past each floor, stopping to allow people on and off until we finally arrive at my dad’s ward.
‘Scarlett.’ Elexis, the nurse, has come to know me by name. Her voice is unusually leaden, her effervescent personality vanished. ‘We’ve been trying to call you.’
My chest tightens. ‘What? What is it?’
Doctor Jefferson steps towards me from behind the nurses’ station. ‘Let’s go to the relatives’ room.’
‘Tell me, please,’ I beg, unable to hide the panic in my voice.
The doctor moves to touch my arm but I snap it out of his reach.
‘Let me see my dad. I want to see my dad!’
‘Scarlett,’ Elexis pleads, ‘I think you should go with the doctor first.’
‘No,’ I cry, tears falling from my face, saliva bursting into my words. ‘Let me see him! Let me see him.’ Elexis glances to another nurse, who steps out of Dad’s room, removing her nitrile gloves and placing them on a trolley of plastic bottles. The nurse nods to Elexis and I run to my dad.
My legs give way beneath me at the sight of his grey, lifeless body laid out in fresh sheets. His eyes are closed and his arms rest perfectly still at either side of his body. His hair has been combed in a way Sandy and I would never comb it, and seems darker than it did just yesterday. His face is peaceful and for the first time since I can remember, there are no signs of pain. He looks like my old dad, the one who’s been lost for too long. The machines are gone, and the wet lip swaps have been removed from the side table. The clouds in the sky have dispersed to allow a small ray of sun to beam through the window and across his cheek.
Wiping my face, I walk hesitantly to his side and take his cold hand in mine.
‘How long?’
‘About an hour,’ Elexis says, placing a hand on my shoulder.
‘Does Sandy know?’
‘No, I’m sorry, Scarlett, we couldn’t call her. If you like, with your permission, I can call her now for you.’
‘No, thank you. I’ll do it.’
She nods and turns to leave the room.
‘Wait. Was he alone?’
She sighs, which I take to mean yes. ‘Scarlett, you really need to speak to the doctor.’
‘Please tell me how it happened.’
She sighs again. ‘I found him.’
‘Found him?’ I ask, turning to face her.
‘It was time. I’ve been in this job many years and you can tell, by their breathing, their colouring. I knew it was almost time. I left the room to call you but I couldn’t reach you.’
A small sob escapes me.
‘When I came back to him, his machine… his oxygen, had… well, I don’t know, maybe come loose. He was gone.’
‘What are you saying, Elexis?’
‘I – I… it could have happened I guess if his body jumped at the last minute, like a reflex, I’m not sure.’
‘Did his machine coming loose kill him?’ I probe.
‘It would be hard to say which came first, Scarlett. Like I said, his body was failing him; he was going. I just wanted to give you the full picture because there might have to be an inquest. I hope not, because it was natural in my opinion, but that’s what Doctor Jefferson will explain to you.’
Confused, I thank her and ask to be left alone. As she’s leaving the room, I hear commotion in the corridor: the sound of someone running. Suddenly, Gregory is at the entrance to the room, sweating and panting. Seeing my dad’s lifeless body, he pulls his hands through his hair then drops one hand to cover his mouth.
