Ibring up the listI’vebeen adding to and looking over for the past several days.Inone column,Ihave reasons whyIwant the job.Thingslike how much moreI’denjoy identifying and coming up with plans to mitigate credit risks, operational risks, and compliance risks for clients.Andhow it’s a growing field that could open up many future opportunities.Itwould also allow me to utilize myCertifiedRiskManagerdesignation.
Butthis job has its cons, too.Andso many unknowns.Ihate unknowns.
Mychai has probably cooled enough to drink.Ismile back at the smiley face thatDaisydrew in theOof my name.Today, it is wearing glasses in the shape ofstars and a big grin.Ipush my own glasses up and take a sip.
Myeyebrows raise in surprise.Idon’t know whatIwas expecting when she said “pumpkin spiced chai”—something that tasted like an actual pumpkin, maybe?—but this is nothing like that.Itake another sip.Itaste cinnamon and nutmeg along with ginger, clove, and cardamom,Ithink?Andis that black pepper?Whateverit is, it’sreallygood.
Iimmediately glance at the counter.Daisyis working on someone’s drink, but her eyes are on me.SoIsmile and give her a thumbs up to let her know that trying the pumpkin spiced chai was a good thing, and she grins back.Ilike that she witnessed me liking my first sip of it.She’sso lively and happy, and it makes me feel more lively and happy just being near her.Ithink for the millionth time about how muchIwould like to take her on a date.
Ihaven’t ever seen her outside of this building, but we still know quite a bit about each other by chit-chatting while she makes my drink over the past probably year and a half since she’s worked here.Sheknows thatIwork forPacioli&Blackwellas an accountant.Iknow that she moved toCipherSpringsfromRichmonda year and a half ago when she started working atCoffeeLoft.SheknowsIlike things predictable, what types of booksIlike to read, and what times of the month we tend to be busiest at work,which changes whatIwork on asIdrink my chai.Iknow she is creative and fun just by the creative earrings she wears, that she actually makes many of those earrings, and that she wants to travel.SheknowsI’ma little shy, andIknow she’s about as opposite of shy as someone could be.
Likeright now.She’schatting with the customer who she’s making a drink for.I’mnot close enough to hear what they are saying but she’s smiling and chatting with him and he’s smiling at her and chatting back.Notso different from how she interacted with me while she was making my drink.Soshe’s not that way with me because she thinksI’mspecial.She’sjust that way.
So, clearly,Ican’t ask her on a date.I’mjust another customer to her, and there’s too big of a chance that she will say no.
Ilook back down at the list on my laptop that is titledProsandConsofApplyingforRiskManagementPosition.It’sironic that the guy who’s afraid to take a risk—on askingDaisyout or on applying for this position—wants to work on theRiskManagementteam.Idon’t know if that would likely make me better at the job or worse at it.
Thequiet beep-beep of my alarm tells me it’s time to head to work.Iclose my laptop and pick up both it and my cup asIstand.Daisymust have a pretty impressive internal clock, too, because she always seems to know when my alarm goes off—even though she can’t hear itfrom where she is—and turns from whatever it is she’s doing to call out, “Bye,Ollie!”
I’vegot a spring in my step asIwalk around the pallets of bricks and wood in front of the old theater on my way to work, head into my building, take the elevator to the third floor, and head toward my department.BeforeIeven step foot into my team’s area,IspotTadRigginsjauntily strutting down the hall that meets up with mine, whistling, andIsteel myself.Tadmay look like he’d be a nice guy, but he always gets in underhanded jabs every time he passes by me.
Wemerge hallways at about the same time and he pauses, mid-step, as if he just remembered something. “Oh, hey,IguessIshould break the news to you.Doyou know how you wanted to be assigned theSheridanaccount?Well, the company asked for yours truly,” he says as he puts his hand on his chest. “Byname.”
Thenhe fakes a frown as if this news makes him feel very bad for me.Itdoesn’t.IncaseIdidn’t manage to interpret it from his expression, he adds out loud, not even trying to make the words sound genuine, “Ifeel bad it didn’t work out for you.”
Iopen my mouth as ifIhave a retort ready to go when we probably both know that the most perfect retort won’t come untilI’mlying in bed tonight.BeforeIwould’ve been able to get a word out, anyway, he says, “Oh, hey, you’ve got a little something—” and reaches a finger out like he’s trying to brush something off themiddle of my shirt.AsIlook down, he raises his finger to bop my nose. “Gotyou!” he says and then laughs in a way that always makes me picture him sprouting donkey ears before he heads into our team’s area.
Iclose my eyes for a moment, telling myself thatI’mnot going to letTadbring me down from myDaisy-thinks-I-look-spiffy high.Ineed to add to the “Pros” side of my list of applying for theRiskManagementteam,Won’thave to work withTad.
Isit down at my desk, turn on my computer, and pull out my favorite pen, highlighters, pencil, erasers, and calculator, getting all of it—along with the papersIneed to get started on my first task—organized howIlike it.I’mlogging into my computer when my boss,Rickard, walks in.
Yes, his name wasRichardat birth.Yes, growing up, people called himRick.Wecalled himRickhere atPacioli&Blackwell.Whenhe got a job as a team lead, he felt his name needed to sound more “professional.”Butsince everyone was used to calling him “Rick,” he didn’t want people to get confused, so he went for the winning name he makes us call him now.Rickard.
Hestops atTad’sdesk, and the two of them joke around, do some multi-step fist-bump thing that takes me back to junior high, and laugh.Lotsof laughing.They’relike two stains on the same shirt.
Thejovial expression on my boss’s face drops as he turns in my direction and walks over to my desk. “Hello,Ollie,”Rickardsays, then half sits on the edge of my desk, crinkling up the edges of some of my papers and sending my highlighters in all directions.
“You’renot going to like this, but there’s somethingIthink you should hear from me.Iknow that you’re considering applying for the job opening in theRiskManagementteam.Tadapplied for the position, andI’vedecided to endorse him for the job.Hemay not have your qualifications, but there’s just a…” he moves his hand around like he’s trying to capture exactly what he’s thinking, “confidencequality he has that you lack.”
Hepats me on the shoulder twice, much more forcefully than what could be considered comforting. “I’msure you’re disappointed, but them’s the breaks.”
Idon’t lack in my confidence thatIwould be better at the job thanTadwould be.Ijust lack the social confidence it takes to do things like complicated fist bumps/handshakes/dance moves with my boss thatTadhas.ButIdon’t think that’s exactly needed for the job inRiskManagement.
Ashe walks away,Ihave to wonder: is it even worth applying for the position if my boss isn’t going to back me?TheRiskManagementteam leader will surely ask him about both of us.Rickarddoesn’t have to “endorse” either one of us.Hecould simply talk about each of our strengths objectively.
Sure,I’mmore qualified and better at my job thanTadis, butIcan’t count on that coming through and negating what my boss says.
Plus, there are lots of other people who are good at their jobs here.Andlots of people outside our company who are probably applying.Whatmakes me thinkIcan get it?EvenifIam the most qualified, willIbe able to convey that to the interviewer?LikeRickardsaid,Ilack a “confidence quality.”Iam not super suave or smooth, soI’mnot super confident in my ability to convince someone about the areasIamsuper competent in.
AndwouldIeven like the job better?Itwould be doing the parts of accounting thatIlike best, so there’s a really good chanceIwould.Butthere’s no guarantee.
Thething about numbers thatIlove so much is that there’s exactly one answer to every problem.Onlyone number is right.Thereisn’t such a thing as subjective opinions, likes or dislikes, or emotions.Noneof that factors in.Youwork the problem and get the exact right answer.Nouncertainty at all.
Iwish life was more like math.
CHAPTER 2
I’M BEING SET UP BY PRINCE CHARMING
