Her jaw ached from the artificial smile she kept plastered on her face as she listened to Raymond’s kind words of advice to the couple due to be married.
‘Money,’he intoned, carefully sipping from his modest glass of sherry, ‘really is the root of many an evil. It’s a cliché, my children, but one I would urge you to both consider as you contemplate your way forward together.’
Jess nodded. Next to her Curtis was more forthcoming, holding forth on how much he agreed with the sentiment, having seen many a person come a cropper in their haste to make it to the top, often taking down their loved ones with them.
He squeezed her hand and she smiled faintly. She could feel beads of perspiration breaking out. She didn’t want to be discussing a marriage that was never going to happen, and not just because it was unfair to propagate the illusion to someone who was sincerely trying to give them good advice.
She didn’t want to discuss this because in her head it raised so many tantalising visions of what could have been if only...
In this situation there was no room forif only, so she did her utmost to let the litany of wise advice sweep past her, keeping a low profile, barely aware of how Curtis was responding. Just aware that hewasresponding.
Dinner couldn’t have come soon enough.
The food was spectacular and, thankfully, the conversation moved on to less disconcerting waters.
She allowed herself to relax. A bit.
She tried several times to catch Curtis’s eye, but his attention was focused on his godfather and Raymond and, sitting as she was, right next to him, there was a limit to what she could do to engage a surreptitious response from him.
And in the meantime...
How her mind travelled down all those forbidden paths that talk of marriage had opened up in her head.
She had so many memories of her parents, of how deeply in love they had been, enjoying the time they’d spent together as a family.
Had such happiness on the home front made her ill equipped for the realities of life and all its complexities?
Shy as a teenager because of her height and the fact that she had developed earlier than most of her classmates, she had been too reserved to throw herself into the ups and downs of teenage dating games. Instead, she had enjoyed her books, her sport, her skiing whenever she could.
Maybe if she had had her heart broken a few times she would have been more protected against the business of daydreams and unrealistic expectations.
Except what was so wrong in having expectations in life? It was just unfortunate that her expectations had sent her racing towards a brick wall.
As the evening wound down to its conclusion, Jess could only reflect on the irony that she and Curtis were two people so conditioned by their backgrounds that never in a million years would they have found a fit together.
Where her own sheltered and cosy life had prepared her to follow a predictable course of love and marriage and children, his fractured one had sent him hurtling down a different route.
It was her misfortune that she had tumbled into love with him and now faced the prospect of trying to piece her life together without him, even though she would never be able to fully walk away because of the glue that now held them together.
‘You’ve been very quiet this evening, my dear.’
She surfaced and blinked at William, who was looking at her with paternal concern, and her heart wrenched at the disappointment he would be facing when she and Curtis broke the news to him that they wouldn’t be getting married after all.
Raymond was beginning to stand, patting his stomach with satisfaction and complimenting William on the quality of the food.
Jess glanced through the window to see that the snow was falling ever harder, teetering towards blizzard rather than angry flurries.
They all began heading towards the door. Raymond had driven and waved aside William’s suggestion that he stay the night and give the snow time to blow itself out. He had a sturdy four-wheel drive, he asserted, and he had every confidence that the Big Guy up there would make sure he was in full functioning order so that he could marry his close friend’s godson to his partner.
Jess smiled weakly, very much aware of Curtis’s hand resting lightly on the small of her back as they clustered in the hallway, reaching for coats and winding down the conversation.
‘So...’ Raymond paused, winked at William and then smiled at them all. ‘I’m ready to marry you two just as soon as you want. Of course, there’ll be a few bits and pieces to sort out—i’s dotted and t’s crossed and all the rest—but I have slots in my upcoming diary and I don’t have to tell you that I will do my utmost to accommodate the ceremony whenever suits you both!’
‘I think these children would want sooner rather than later.’ William beamed at them both. ‘With a baby on the way, why waste time?’
‘Why indeed?’ Curtis murmured, and Jess gaped sideways at him, but no one was looking in her direction because all eyes were on Raymond, who was doing all but fetching his personal calendar from his coat pocket.
‘There’s no rush,’ she interjected weakly.
