‘I did enjoy tonight,’ she said in a low voice. She couldn’t read the expression in his eyes because the room was dark, but she could sense his alertness in his body language. ‘Everyone was very nice, and I met people there I hope to get to know better over time. It was nerve-racking to start with, but I settled into it quicker than I thought I would.’
‘But...? Because there is abutthis time, isn’t there?’
‘I looked for you now and again. I thought you might have shown a bit more interest in my presence. Abe, you were away for two nights...’ she dragged in a juddering breath and her eyes locked to his and her heart skipped a beat ‘...and yet, when you saw me, you didn’t even seem that pleased. We were there to do a job and you left me to get on with it because that’s the role I’ve been taken on to fill.’
He sat back, shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair, his movements for once less graceful than usual.
‘My apologies,’ he said heavily.
‘Why would you apologise? Like you said, you never misled me. The fact is that I fell in love with you four years ago in Ibiza and I never stopped. I just never stopped.’
‘Don’t!’
‘You have no idea how devastated I was when I found out that you’d left without telling me...’
‘Yes, I do. You have told me countless times but there is only so often I can apologise for the past. It cannot be changed.’
‘I realise that! What I’m saying, Abe, is that I thought all that hurt and bitterness would have protected me against you when you came back into my life. I told you about Tilly and I thought that everything would be reasonably straightforward, that, whatever happened, there was no way you could get to me again, but I was wrong. You did get to me again and tonight it’s struck me that everything I feel for you is misplaced because I will never be anything to you but an obligation to bear.’
‘That is categorically not true.’
‘Then tell me what I mean to you.’
‘From what I’m hearing, it would appear not what you’re hoping you do.’
‘Don’t worry; I’m going to go ahead with our arrangement because you’re right. Life sometimes entails sacrifices and when it comes to kids, they shouldn’t have to pay the price for their parents’ mistakes. I can also see with my own two eyes how much you love Tilly, how hard you’ve tried to gain her trust and, more than that, I can see that Tilly absolutely adores you. But...’ she broke out in a film of fine perspiration, knowing that what she next said would determine the course of her life for ever ‘...no more sex, Abe.’ She breathed in deeply. ‘From now on, things will have to change between us. You’re right, we get along just fine, but we’re no longer going to muddy the waters by seeing sex as a bonus.’
Her voice was calm and even. She was proud of herself. How much longer she could maintain the façade was anybody’s guess but she knew that she had to get through this next bit, had to dictate her terms and not just go along with the flow because she was in love with him. It had been easy to justify letting her emotions take control of the steering wheel and it was frightening when she thought how long that might have continued if she hadn’t had a wake-up call.
He leant towards her with urgency, his dark eyes doing all sorts of unwelcome things to her body, but she held up one hand to stop him in his tracks.
‘From now on, we don’t share a bed and we lead separate lives until the time comes when Tilly is old enough to understand that not all marriages are made in heaven, and then we can divorce. I know you. You’re a man with...desires...but you would have to promise me that you will be discreet.’
‘What the hell are you saying, Georgie?’
‘I have to protect myself and that starts right now. I don’t expect you to remain celibate for me. You can do what you like, and you have my word I will not object.’ She looked away. Every word was a shard of glass to her heart but it was for the best. ‘I need more emotionally than you have to give and, one day, I know I’ll find it. I’m still really young. You do your thing, Abe, and what we have will be what it should have been from the start—a business arrangement with a timeline and a deadline. Now, if you don’t mind, I don’t want to discuss this any longer. I won’t be changing my mind and I don’t want you to try to persuade me to. I’m going to go to sleep now and tomorrow...well, tomorrow will be another day...’
CHAPTER TEN
PROMISENOTHINGTHATyou can’t deliver...spare her the pain of wanting more than you can give...show her how the land lies without varnishing the truth and you’ll both be in a better place, where nothing is expected except what’s been put on the table...
It had all seemed very straightforward. Abe was well aware that his childhood had set the boundary of his emotional limitations years ago. The prospect of an arranged married had suited him just fine. There would be no risk to his heart, no loss to destroy his soul, and so he had engineered Georgie into the position of accepting the only thing he was making available to her: a marriage based on compatibility and great sex but without love and all its unwelcome complications. He had been upfront with her from the start and then, when he had uneasily suspected that she might have been straying from the straight and narrow, veering into the dangerous, turbulent territory of wanting more than he could ever give, he had tried to pull back, for both their sakes.
Hadn’t that been what he had done the night before? Shown her, in not so many words, what their relationship was all about?
Now, glowering at three in the morning in the darkness of his office, brooding over the fact that she had effectively kicked him out of the bedroom, he tried to harness his normally very obedient pragmatism.
He had slung on a pair of loose joggers and a tee shirt and, with his feet on the desk and his leather chair pushed back, he continued to glare through the huge windows out to the darkened, limitless landscape outside.
She wanted more. She wanted love. She wanted the whole fairy-tale story with the happy-ever-after ending and there was no way that he could give her that. He’d already warned her it didn’t exist.
He didn’t do love! Except for his daughter, his heart was sealed behind a locked door and there was no key to open it up.
Perhaps it was best that all of this had come to a head when it had. She had offered a practical solution to the situation. They would still get married as planned. Tilly’s security remained the most important thing and she recognised that as much as he did. Yes, sex would come to an end but perhaps that was a wise decision?
This could be a clean start for them. They would still communicate over what was important and doubtless would remain as compatible in that area as they always had been and if their marriage ended up feeling like a business deal, then wasn’t that what it was all about anyway?
She had talked about timelines and deadlines and wasn’t that exactly what was needed? A projected way forward with a definite end point? He might be deeply traditional in many ways, and certainly when it came to giving his own flesh and blood the life he knew she deserved, but he was realistic enough to know that relationships didn’t necessarily last for ever and if, in the end, Georgie wanted to find love with someone capable of giving it to her, then why shouldn’t she once Tilly was old enough for them to work out a suitable arrangement between them?
