I already know this because I overheard Jenna talking about it in the locker room, post-prom. But of course I don’t tell Dex that. Instead, I allow my curiosity to take the lead, lean back, and say, “Okay. Show me.”
And—holy shit—he does.
“Wow,” I say breathlessly afterward, a blissful smile emerging on my face. “You weren’t lying. Youarereally good at that.” I let out a little laugh and stretch out on Dex’s bed, my skin still warm, my heart still fluttering. He lies on his side and kisses my shoulder.
“Well, you can thank Ben the next time you see him,” he says with a laugh.
“Your cousin?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah. He always wanted a little brother, so he kinda took me under his wing,” Dex explains. “I used to call him up for advice before dates. He taught me everything I know.”
“Well, thank you, Ben,” I say with a giggle. Then the thought of Dex with other girls enters my head, and my smile starts to fade. I wonder how many he’s had in his bed. How many he’s made feel this way. But I quickly push the images out of my mind. The past doesn’t matter. He’s with me now.
“Okay, lie down,” I playfully demand. “Time for me to show you whatIknow.”
I don’t know much at all. With Chris, things progressed quickly from kissing to sex, no foreplay, which I now understandis the reason I never enjoyed it. And I don’t have an older cousin to call up for sex advice, but Idohave a friend at school who told me about a technique she’d learned from a book calledSex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. So I reciprocate. And it turns out I’m pretty damn good at it too.
So good that Dex has to stop me.
“Sunny, wait. This feels amazing, but I want to make you come again,” he says. “I love watching you let go like that.”
My cheeks are red hot as he reaches into his nightstand for a condom. “Actually…I’m on the pill,” I tell him. “So we don’t need to use a condom if you don’t want to.”
I got on birth control as an added measure of protection when Chris and I started sleeping together, but we still used condoms every time. It’s different with Dex, though.
I’m in love with him.
Dex smiles and pulls me on top of him. “I’ve never done this before,” he says. “Without a condom, I mean.”
“Me neither,” I say, smiling back.
We may not have been each other’s firsts, but sharing this particular first with Dex feels significant. I guide him inside me and move my hips, the mid-afternoon sun casting its glow on me like a spotlight.
“You’re a goddess,” he says to me—and I feel like one too, with my long hair draped over my shoulders, framing my breasts, and my lover’s admiring eyes soaking in every bare inch of me.
I don’t feel self-conscious at all anymore. In fact, I’ve never felt more beautiful.
When we’re done, Dex pulls me close and we lie on his bedtogether, catching our breath and staring at the ceiling. I’ve been in this space nearly as much as my own bedroom, but never like this. Naked in Dex’s arms. It feels surreal. To think of the hours I spent here, hoping against all odds that he would look up from whatever play he was reading andkissme—a mere kiss would have been enough back then—but now, here I am, my wildest dreams come true.
He takes my hand and holds it over his heart. “I feel like I died and went to heaven,” he says.
“La petite mort,” I answer, a smile blooming across my face. “It’s what the French call an orgasm, but the literal translation islittle death. I’ve always liked that idea. I just never knew what it felt like until now.”
Dex turns to face me and props himself on his elbow. He coils a strand of my hair around his fingertip and looks into my eyes. “I want to die a thousand deaths with you,” he says.
Later that night, when I’m back home and getting ready for bed, Mia calls me. I can tell right away that it’s not the first time she’s tried to reach me today.
“Sunny! Oh my god, woman!” she exclaims.
I smile, but what else is new. I haven’t stopped smiling all day. “I know,” I answer sheepishly. “I was supposed to call you, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. As long as you have a good excuse,” she says more calmly.
“I have thebestexcuse,” I tell her. “I was with Dex.”
“Oh my god, I freakin’ knew it!” she screams. I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “What happened last night? Tell me everything! Only if you want to, of course.”
I giggle and lie back on my bed. I close my eyes, my grin still wide. “Mia…he kissed me,” I nearly whisper.
