You are so loved.I keep those words close to my chest. I don’t want to weird Eli out, not any more than I’ve already done, but the thought keeps echoing inside me, floating between my head and my heart.You are so, so loved.
Andyouwill be, too.
I place my hand on my belly. The baby isn’t kicking right now, but she’s getting a little bigger each day. I have no idea what kind of person she’ll grow into: what kind of movies she’ll like, what cartoons she’ll beg to watch in the morning, if she’ll want her pancakes soft or crispy. If she, too, will be a little quirky like her brother.
But I do know one thing.
She’ll be loved.
By her whole messy, ragtag family.
“Mommy?”
Geez. Enough with the waterworks.“Yes, munchkin?” I say, quickly wiping my eyes so he doesn’t see what a mushy mess his mother has turned into.
“Can I have your fries, too?”
I laugh and hand them over. Eli spends the better part of the next ten minutes sorting them by hue and crunchiness factor.
Kallie pokes me with her elbow. “Need a tissue? I’ve got scented ones.”
“Tempting, but no.” I let out a slow, happy sigh. “I’m okay. Really.”
“If you say so.” Then, mercifully changing the subject, she points at the other end of the table, where Isaak and Nikita are glaring daggers at each other over the last pizza roll. “What’s the deal with those two?”
“Damned if I’ll ever know.” I sip my drink and watch the daggers fly. “But they remind me of someone.”
“You don’t say.”
I push her lightly. “Not me!”
“No?” Kallie jiggles her eyebrows. “You sure? ‘Cause I’ve seen those sparks before.”
“Oh, c’mon. No way.”
But the more I look at them, the more I realize Kallie’s not wrong. Those fireworks, that crackling tension over the silliest things—I have seen that before. In the mirror.
And every time I’ve been in Yulian’s presence, too.
Lately, our sparks have settled into a comfortable hearth. Cinders still fly free when we fight, and when we’re in bed, there’s no telling where the fire will spread. But that constant poking and testing each other’s limits… It feels like another version of what we had those first few, unpredictable months. Before the growing pains set in.
That’s when I realize it. A simple truth, one I’ve been avoiding for the past couple of months.
I want to stay.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, really. It almost kind of doesn’t. All my anger at Yulian for last year’s betrayal has dissipated long ago. In the many weeks since we’ve started living under the same roof, he’s proven himself to me over and over again. To me—and to my kids.
He wants them in his life. He wantsmein his life.
And I want him in ours, too.
I reach next to me by reflex, but Yulian isn’t there. I’ve never wished harder that he’d appear out of thin air, with his cologne andGQstubble and million-dollar suit. I want to share my answer now, in front of everyone we know and love. Want to start our lives without a second’s pause.
“Dessert?”
I barely glance at the waiter, so lost I am in my own happiness. “Sure. Can we, um… see the menu?”
“Of course.” He hands me one. “I’ll be back soon for you.”
