I groan. “It’s just… I feel like I never know what I’m gonna get with him. He can be so kind in his own way, and yet?—”
“Sometimes he’s a caveman.”
“Kind of, yeah.”
She snorts into her straw. “Look, here’s the thing: He’s got, like, twenty years’ worth of experience at bottling up his emotions. He’s already made leaps of progress with you. That’s not to say you shouldn’t keep pushing, because you definitely should—but keep in mind this is all new to him. Acknowledging his feelings. Realizing he’s human, too.”
“Why is he so allergic to it? Being human?”
Nikita shrugs. “It already cost him everything once. He’s not exactly keen on going through that again.”
She sounds like she’s speaking from experience. Like she, too, has had a lifetime’s practice at pushing people away.
It already cost him everything once.
Guilt seeps into me. Yulian lost it all because of Prizrak, and here I am, covering up the Baldwin family’s involvement. He deserves to know the truth, but?—
But Eli doesn’t deserve to mourn his father twice.
“Desya…” I press my lips tightly. “Was he always like this? When you guys were younger?”
Nikita’s face clouds over. “If I had to answer with what I know now, I’d say yes. He always had flexible morality, a flair for the dramatic, and an uncanny ability to charm people into doing his bidding. But I never thought he’d use it against his friends. Yulian and Kira—they were his whole world.”
“Were you close with him?”
“I guess I thought I was.” She gives a deep sigh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was just a kid. But Desya… he knew how to make you feel special. Me? I was just the dumb, chubby little sister of the Morozov Bratva’s princess. Not a day went by that my parents didn’t draw comparisons. Yulian was nice, but he wasn’t in the habit of hanging out with kids. Desya was the only one who paid attention to me.” Her fists go tight on her knees. “But he was just grooming me to take Kira’s place.”
I remember his horrible words back at the mansion.
“If I’d known you’d grow up to look this good, I’d have stashed you away somewhere before I killed your whore of a sister. We could’ve had some fun eventually.”
Goosebumps bloom on my arms. Desya Bogdanov—he really is the worst of the worst. It’s no wonder Yulian can’t think straight around him. Desya’s not as powerful, so he learned to play to his strengths: messing with other people’s heads.
It makes me furious.
“We’ll get him.” I blurt it out without thinking. “And once we do, this nightmare will be over.”
Something like determination shines in Nikita’s eyes. “To ending nightmares,” she says, raising her glass to mine.
I clink them together and think of Brad.
To ending nightmares.
43
YULIAN
The docks are deserted. They always are at this time of night. When the moon is this high on the water, only shadows slink around the piers. The kind of shadows you wouldn’t be caught dead with.
I’d know. I’m the worst of them.
As I walk through the docks, those shadows scatter in my wake like cockroaches. Lowlifes, dealers, junkies: the city’s filthy underbelly. The forgotten.
But I haven’t forgotten. Not this place, not its dwellers. Nor the one who made it out alive.
I walk to the edge of the pier.Thatpier. If I close my eyes, I can see it like it was yesterday: my hand gripping the knife, tearing eye flesh apart. Desya, begging for mercy.
Then my one-eyed former best friend, sinking into the black waters.
