It hurts worse than it has any right to. Yulian’s empty bed, Yulian’s absence—they all hit way too hard.
This is the life of the pakhan,I realize.Sleepless nights, a cold pillow.
A cold heart.
No. That’s unfair. Yulian may be a lot of things, but cold-hearted isn’t one of them. Not when it comes to his family.
Speaking of family… mine’s coming to visit today.With the chaos of last night, I almost forgot I’d made plans for it.
By the looks of it, so did Yulian.
I bite my lip. I was counting on Yulian to be here. It’s true that I want my parents to spend more time with Eli, but I want them to spend time withhim,too. To give them a chance to get to know him.
But Yulian’s got bigger fish to fry today. There’s no point getting upset—he’s a busy man. He’s got a Bratva to run.
But will his Bratva always come before his family?
I shake my head. This is no time to be thinking about that. I’ve still got months before my baby’s due date. Months before the deadline Yulian set for my decision.
Then why doesn’t it feel like enough time to unravel all of this?
I slap my cheeks, then glance at the clock: almost ten. My parents will be here for brunch. I need to get a move on. My mental gymnastics will have to wait.
I take the quickest shower in history, then start making breakfast.
After a few minutes, Eli waddles into the kitchen. He’s sporting the funniest bedhead I’ve ever seen, hair sticking out in all sorts of directions.
“Morning, sweetie,” I greet him with a smile. “What’ll it be today? Burned pancakes or charcoal pancakes?”
That makes him giggle. “You’re not supposed to burn them, Mommy!”
“Really?” I gasp. “But they’re so much crispier that way.”
We keep messing around for a bit, enjoying the weekend atmosphere. I toss him chocolate chips to catch in his mouth; most of them end up on the floor. At one point, Kallie emerges from the guest room to join us, somehow with a worse bedhead than Eli’s, and sprinkles powdered sugar on my shirt.
I won’t lie, it turns into a bit of a food war.
“Here comes the Pancake Monster!” I cry out, making myself look big and scary.
“Yeah?” Kallie taunts. “Get a faceful of these marshmallows!”
“Aunt Kallie, duck!” Eli squeals. “She has the dough!”
As we make a mess of the kitchen, I can’t help the huge grin on my face. How long has it been since we’ve played like this? So carefree, so happy?
Since Brownsville.The realization hits me like a bucket full of ice.You haven’t been this happy since Brownsville.
As if on cue, the doorbell rings.
“Coming!”
I try to make myself presentable. Most of all, I try to push down the messy thoughts filling my head.
But it’s not my parents waiting out the door.
“We need to talk.”
It’s Yulian.
