“Callan!” Anica protested. “You don’t have to?—”
“Consider it a souvenir,” I said, taking the scarf and draping it around her shoulders. “A memory of the weekend. Much better than those tacky shot glasses or t-shirts that say ‘I got wasted on a private island and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a detailed memory of comparing my vagina to a haunted house.’”
Her eyes widened in horror as she glanced at the vendor, but the woman was counting her money and hadn’t heard my comment. Anica pinched my arm hard enough to leave a mark.
“Ow! Violent,” I whispered.
The woman smiled knowingly between us. “You two make a lovely couple.”
“We’re not—” Anica began automatically.
“Thank you,” I interrupted, placing my hand at the small of Anica’s back. “We’re celebrating our anniversary. First time away since the wedding.”
Anica’s eyes widened, but to her credit, she didn’t contradict me. “He’s very romantic,” she said instead, with just enough sarcasm that only I would catch it. “Knows exactly what to say to sweep a girl off her feet.”
“Never let that fade,” the woman advised, patting Anica’s hand. “My Nickie and I were married sixty-two years before he passed. We never stopped celebrating each other.”
“That’s beautiful,” Anica said softly, and I could tell she meant it.
“The secret is laughter,” the woman continued. “And separate bathrooms if you can manage it.”
I chuckled. “We’ll keep that in mind. Though at this point I’d settle for her not plotting my murder over breakfast.”
“Early days,” the woman said knowingly. “You’ll get there.”
As we walked away, Anica adjusted the scarf around her shoulders. “Why did you tell her we were married?” she asked, but there was no real annoyance in her tone.
“People love a good love story,” I shrugged. “And she seemed like the type who’d appreciate it. Besides, it’s not like we haven’t pretended to be engaged before. I figured we could upgrade our fake relationship status while on vacation. Next stop: fake divorce, followed by fake dramatic reconciliation. And then fake make up sex. Ow.”
She punched me again, but she was chuckling.
“From fake fiancés to fake spouses,” she mused. “Very progressive of us.”
“I’m all about relationship growth,” I agreed solemnly. “Even the imaginary kind. I’m very committed to our non-existent commitment.”
We continued through the market, stopping to try the famous conch fritters (which lived up to the hype) and various other local delicacies. I bought us both fresh coconuts to drink from, complete with silly paper umbrellas and bendy straws.
“This is nothing like the coconut water they sell at Whole Foods,” Anica observed, sipping from her straw. “It’s so much better.”
“Everything tastes better in its natural environment,” I said. “Like how beer tastes better at a ballpark, or how coffee tastes better when someone else makes it.”
“Or how rum tastes better until it makes you confess embarrassing personal details to your client,” she added.
I decided to let her off the hook. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, echoing her earlier denial. “Must be thinking of someone else. Maybe one of your other clients who makes lethal blue cocktails on private islands.”
She gave me a grateful smile. “Must be. I have so many of those, they all blur together.”
We found a small local restaurant for lunch, a weathered wooden structure right on the beach with mismatched chairs and tables set directly in the sand. The menu was written on a chalkboard, and the only options were whatever had been caught that morning.
“This is amazing,” Anica said as our food arrived; grilled fish so fresh it had probably been swimming an hour earlier, served with rice and plantains. “How did you find this place?”
“The first time I came to the island, I got spectacularly lost. Ended up here by accident. Best wrong turn I ever made. Unlike that time I accidentally walked into the women’s restroom at the Met Gala. Much less charming outcome, considerably more screaming.”
“Sounds like you might actually be human.”
“What else would I be?”
“Well, Mari’s guess is Greek god. Devonna mentioned something about an immortal vampire. I’d go for very advanced AI.”
