“I engaged all of your senses.And I did it deliberately,” he said.
She dug deep to find the courage to answer him.Still the confounded man waited patiently, and she knew he wouldn’t push her.“I’ve read books,” she continued.“Erotic ones.And I’ve seen some movies.I’m intrigued by some of it.And parts of it scare the shit out of me.”
“Yet you never needed a safe word, never said yellow and you didn’t say no.”
All of that was true.
“Forget for a moment that we played.Imagine instead that you arrived and I took you to bed.Would you have been nervous?”
“Probably,” she admitted.
“Would it have stopped you?”
“No.”She exhaled.“But being in your dungeon isn’t exactly the same thing as having sex.I was a little freaked out.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”She scowled.
“Acknowledging your feelings is a good thing.There’s no shame in being nervous.And you can choose to scene any way.You can try different things and see what works for you.”
Like being naked in his window.
With patience she’d never seen from anyone else, he waited.Working through this seemed important to him.Finally, she asked, “How did you know that you were into it?”
“For me there was never a question.I sought out BDSM clubs as soon as I was old enough to drive.When I walked through the door and witnessed my first scene, I knew I belonged.”
She rubbed her upper arms.
“There was a woman, sub, tied to a St.Andrew’s cross.She was being flogged, and she seemed lost.It wasn’t until later that I learned about subspace.”
“I’ve never heard of it.”
“The submissive mentally, emotionally flies, soars, goes someplace inside her head, mostly because of a release of endorphins.”
“Back to what you said about transcendence?”
“Exactly.I wanted to bring a woman that much pleasure.And I was impressed by the way the Dom was so in tune with his sub, checking on her, making certain she was all right.I realized then that D/s was about more than controlling someone else, it was about controlling myself, my impulses, behavior, actions.It took some time for me to totally understand it.”
“If I hadn’t met you, I’m not sure I would have known what to look for.”But she did know that she’d felt restless.
“Ready to go back downstairs?”
She nodded.
Rather than going first, he stepped aside and waited for her to pass.
The lights flickered a number of times as they picked up their empty mugs from the study and made their way back to the kitchen.
They found Loopy where they’d left her, under the table.
In the mudroom, he showed Sofia where batteries, flashlights, matches and candles were stored.
“I have a generator, but I use it mostly for the freezer, my laptop computer and as a way to keep my cell phone charged.”
“I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“We’re prepared if it does.”
