Seconds later, when he hadn’t, she went on, “I… Thank you.”She stood.“I am more grateful than you’ll ever know that you were willing to help me out.When I look back, I realize what I’d asked from you.You really are remarkable.”And unbearably handsome.“I’ll never forget it.”
“Let me get this straight,” he said, his voice so chilled that an icicle seemed to slide down her spine.“You left our place this morning as my bride-to-be, and now you’re saying thanks, but no thanks?”
“That’s not…” It was.Exactly.“Yes.”
“And you’re planning on… What?Collecting your stuff after work?Walking away?Pretending it didn’t happen?Not asking for my thoughts?Seeking my council?”
She rose to her feet, pushing her chair back.“What’s the point?Neither of us wanted the marriage.”
“You certainly did when you benefitted.”His words had the precision of one of his whips.
“I deserve that.”She folded her arms to protect herself.“But that’s not the point.Two years from today, we were going to amicably end it.This saves us some attorney fees, court costs, any legal maneuvering that might have come up.Our lives would have gotten more complicated, too, I’m sure.I’d like to keep this amicable since we’ll be working together on the communications deal.”
He looked at her for long seconds before finally speaking, “What the hell is this really about?”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“I would have expected you to come in here and tell me that you and Pernell had spoken then ask my advice.We could have talked it through as a team, had a strategic meeting.But you didn’t.You never gave me a chance.You came in here with one purpose, to cancel our wedding.”
She went to the window, as far away from him as she could get.“Okay, Connor.You want the truth?”She twisted her hands together.“Here it is.Just remember, you asked for it.You’re right.I came here to cancel our wedding.When we made the arrangement”—what seems like a lifetime ago—“you were really clear about one thing.Love wasn’t going to be a part of this.”
He nodded.
“Well, I violated that.I fell totally, madly in love with you.Don’t you see?I can’t marry you.You keep telling me to be strong.The truth is, I’m not made of that kind of steel.I’m not.I can’t stand to be close to you, all the time knowing that you are fucking me, dominating me, wanting me to wear your collar and no matter what I do, no matter how I behave, how much I try, you will never love me in return.”Her voice cracked.“I’m destroyed right now.The times we’ve been together, going to the coffee shop, working out, talking, dating like a real couple…they’ve been magic, and they’ve been unbelievably difficult to endure because I know they’re not real to you, that you don’t have the same responses that I do.”
She took a deep, steadying breath, but she knew it wouldn’t help.Her voice was cracking with the force of her emotion.“I blame myself—”
“Lara.”
“No.Don’t.You warned me.I should have paid attention, but I didn’t listen.After two more years of feeling your physical response and being denied your heart, I’d be decimated.I’m sorry.My dad’s offering me a way out, and I have to take it.”
With all of her resolve, she walked from his office.
As she closed the door, she heard him call, “Lara!Wait!”
Knowing that if she looked back, she’d be undone, she kept moving.
Chapter Thirteen
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks, sis.”
Uninvited, Erin walked into Connor’s kitchen, opened the refrigerator, pulled out an unopened bottle of wine and uncorked it.She poured herself a great big glass.Then, still, uninvited, went and plopped herself onto his couch.
That she had shown up annoyed him, but it wasn’t a shock.He hadn’t responded to her texts or calls.In fact, he hadn’t spoken to anyone in the family for almost a week.
When she’d arrived in the lobby, she’d buzzed for entrance, and he’d ignored her.Undeterred, she’d let herself in.And she hadn’t been at all concerned to find him working out.Instead, she’d said she’d wait.
He’d stayed on the rower for another twenty minutes.But then he realized he might pass out from exhaustion before she gave up.
When he’d sought her out, he’d found her on the couch, in his spot, with his channel changer in hand watching some godawful tear-jerker channel.The movie had to be as old as she was, but she’d been staring at it as if it were a gripping drama filled with award-winning actors.
He’d plucked the remote from her hand then turned off the television.
But now that she was back in his spot with a full glass of wine, appearing that she’d settled in for the evening, he wished he’d gone about his business.
She slipped out of her shoes and folded herself into a semi-lotus position.
