“I’m sorry for just barging in like this.”
I shook my head even though she wasn’t looking at me. “You know you’re welcome here anytime. I’m simply sorry I haven’t been able to get home. School’s been kind of hectic.”
And then, of course, there was my affair with my professor.
Obviously, I kept that to myself. That probably wasn’t a talk we needed to have at this very moment.
“No, you should definitely focus on school. You shouldn’t have to worry about your mom dropping in because she can’t control her shit.”
We sat there in quiet for long seconds. I didn’t want to raise the matter again; felt she could tell me in her own time what was wrong.
But then after a few moments, she cleared her throat and pointed to the textbooks.
“How’s school going, by the way?”
She was dodging, stalling.
She looked across at me and I shrugged. “It’s going.” I felt my cheeks flame as I thought about Seth, wondering what she’d think, how she’d feel if I acknowledged what I was doing with my professor.
I stroked my hands up and down my thighs, suddenly feeling very frightened. I observed the way she knitted her brows. My mother could read me well without me having to say anything.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded and cleared my throat. “What’s going on with Dad?”
She slumped back on the couch and breathed, suddenly appearing very sleepy. “He’s having another baby with Crystal.” My mother stared straight ahead; her unshed tears visible.
I was outraged instantaneously, not because there was another kid coming into the world, not because he had left us to build a new family—because we were clearly not enough—but because my mom was hurting.
“I’m sorry.” In that moment, I hated my father all over again.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. I shouldn’t really care at this point, but I swear it’s like a wound being reopened.” She smiled at me, but it was sad, distant. “I wanted to be here with you when you found out.”
Not only had he cheated on my mother, run off with his too-young wife, but every time his happiness came coming back up, it was like a smack in my mother’s face.
“He’s an asshole,” I remarked, and she looked across at me and gave me a sad smile.
“He’s your father. I don’t want you thinking negatively of him.”
“Then he shouldn’t have cheated on you and abandoned us for a piece of ass.” This wrath swelled in me so furiously, I felt my hands shake.
“It was wrong of me to come here, to burden you. But I wanted to deliver you the news in person. I’m sure he’ll call you tomorrow.”
I could only shake my head. “He told you today?”
She shook her head. “No, I was talking with Lydia, and she said she overheard Coleman talking to your father on the phone.”
Lydia had lived next to us nearly my entire life. After the divorce, Lydia had washed her hands of my dad, but her husband, Coleman, still stayed in contact, supposedly.
“She thought I knew already when she brought it up.” She stared at me then. “Not that I expected Pearce to call me and tell me, and honestly I’m glad he didn’t, but to hear it second hand from the neighbor?” She snorted.
I hated that he was still directing her emotions, that he had this impact on her. It was hard for her to even live her own life because I knew she still loved him. How could she not?
Even treachery couldn’t stop anybody from caring. Even grief couldn’t make those sentiments vanish.
“Everything will be fine, Mom. He’s not worth it. Father or not, he wounded both of us, and at this point I don’t want him in my life.”
“Oh, honey. Don’t say that. He divorced me, not you.”
