As I stare at the sleeping woman, my chest constricts.
I pull back sharply as I begin to lower my head towards hers.
What the hell am I doing?
I need to go. Pen is probably leaving in the morning, and I have to prepare for Lottie’s return.
I move away, taking one final glance at her sleeping form, as I switch off the light before closing the door behind me with a gentle click.
I enter my room and seal myself in.
Shit.Pen.
I’ve spent years suppressing my feelings for her. Kept my distance. Now all those feelings are back, and I can do nothing about them. She’s no longer free. I have commitments. I’m a selfish prick. She came all this way to help me and what do I want? To sink myself between her thighs and make love to her until she’s screaming my name and coming hard around my cock.
Never going to happen, Elijah!
I drop onto the bed and lie back, staring at the ceiling.
I’m an idiot.
Who am I kidding? My feelings for Pen have never changed. They never had a chance to. They were always there, only I suppressed them. It’s why I’ve struggled. I could never simply switch off what I felt.
Yes, I married Darra. She was having my child. The moment she announced her pregnancy, my fate was sealed. But I never loved her, never had. The whole time we were dating, she was a convenience. She was quite happy to admit she never loved me either. She and her father wanted to form an alliance. Create a power couple, and I was what her father wanted.
My friendship with Pen was collateral damage. I look back now and realise one reason I distanced myself from my family, my friends, was because to have been around her would havebeen unfair to everyone. I would not have been strong enough to resist her. When she refused to go into business with me after university, I used it as an excuse to push her away despite what we planned. At the time, I blamed her, but I refused to be the reason she lost loved ones, even if it meant isolating myself from my own family.
My brain fires up. I wrack my brain.
Pen was positive about our business for months after Darra announced her pregnancy. Even after we got married. Or did I imagine that, want it to be true? I know what Jaxson said, but did Pen have feelings for me? We’d got close in the months after Christmas, but was it more than a close friendship? I suppose I’ll never know, as we never got the chance to find out.
The unfulfilled sexual tension between us, or at least on my part. Pen withdrew, put up a professional wall.
I sit up and swing my legs off the bed.
If they arrested Pen for hacking. There’s no way she would have been able to set up a cyber security firm. If it had come out, it would have ruined us both, and she would have known that.
I grab my phone.
“Elijah, it’s late.”
“Hi, Mum.”
“What is it? Is Lottie okay?”
“She’s fine. I spoke to her earlier. She’s loving the art school. Her Italian is improving too.”
There’s a pause.
“Mum, did you know?”
“Know what Elijah. I know many things, but I still sadly lack the ability to mind read.”
Her tone is dry, although I can hear the amusement in her voice. I could also dispute her ability to mind-read. I swear she has read mine more than once.
“Did you know they arrested Pen for hacking?”
“Ah. The lovely Penelope Dawson. How is she?”
