She pauses and inclines her head, staring at me. I squirm under the intensity of her gaze.
“Okay, let me phrase that slightly differently. Are youin lovewith him?”
I shoot her a warning look. I love Leah, but right now, I want to get up and walk away. She’s overstepping. I love the man he is, the way he treats people. But when I look at her and Gabriel, Caleb and April, do we have that same intense kind of love? No. But that does not mean it’s not there.
As if sensing my frustration, she holds up her hand.
“Please, hear me out. Let me say my piece, and I promise I won’t say another word.”
I nod in affirmation and sit back.
Our waitress arrives with our order. Leah pauses until she’s gone.
“Before Gabriel, I nearly married someone I thought I was in love with.” Her eyes glaze as she sinks into the memory. “I mistook love for my desperate need to settle down and get married, start a family. Thought time was running out. Luckilyfor me, fate stepped in, and I was forced to change direction, reevaluate. It was the best thing that ever happened. Look at where I am now.”
We both glance down at her sleeping angel.
I sigh. “I’m not you.”
Fate has already stepped in. It stepped in fifteen years ago when the man I fell in love with married someone else.
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
Leah pulls my hand away.
“I’m sorry, Pen. I spoke out of line. It’s just you and Kris were so sudden. You barely mentioned him, and then, after a couple of months of dating, you’re marrying him.”
Her eyes widen as the words leave her mouth, and it’s then I realise where her mind has gone. She and Gabriel fell head over heels for each other.
I smile at her.
“We’re not you and Gabriel,” I tell her truthfully. “And you’re not wrong. I have let my career rule my life. Kris and I want the same things. We both want a family, someone who understands us. So it’s true, we may not be the love affair of the century. But then again, until I saw you and Gabe and April and Caleb, I was sceptical true love existed.”
Leah’s eyes swim with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I smile and squeeze her hand, knowing it comes from a good place.
“No, you’re concerned for a friend. I appreciate it. But please don’t worry. I’m happy. This is what I want.”
I haven’t known Leah for long, and it’s scary how perceptive she is. How perceptive everyone seems to be.
What they don’t understand is Kris and Igetone another. We want the same things.
“Like you said. I’ve hitthatage. My career has meant I’ve put my personal life on hold. I want to rectify that before it’s too late.”
I look down at the little boy sleeping in his pushchair, his thumb tucked between his lips. My chest constricts as I think back to how he fell asleep in my arms. How holding his tiny body felt as he nestled into me. I want that more than I realise.
Kris and I are compatible in so many ways.Do I love him?I care for him deeply.Am I in love with him?No. But I’m not kidding myself that he’s in love with me. We trust and respect each other and what the other has achieved. I’m proud to stand by his side. He never makes me feel less, instead he encourages me. It may not be what Gabriel and Leah have, or what Caleb has found with April. But then that kind of love is rare and could have been missed as much as grasped. Kris and I are new to this. Maybe we just need time. Look at Leah and Gabe. They were under each other’s noses for eight years before they finally got together.
“I’m sorry, I’m out of line,” Leah says.
I lean forward and pull her in for a hug.
“If friends can’t speak their minds, then I don’t know who can. Never be afraid to tell me what you think,” I tell her truthfully.
She hugs me back.
