Lottie stares at me, and I shrug.
“Do you think I should leave it?” she asks.
I squeeze her arm. “I understand you have questions. That’s natural.”
She wrinkles her nose.
“My advice is to speak to your mum again,” I say, praying this time Darra is more forthcoming with her daughter. “But Lottie, remember a parent is the person who is there for you, who loves you. April will tell you that. Although Sarah’s come back into her life, her relationship with Di and Julian hasn’t changed.”
“All I know is I was conceived during the Christmas holidays. When you were all at Granny and Grandpa’s. Were there any other men hanging around?”
“No, there were only us. The usual suspects.”
“It sounds like you used to have fun together.”
“We did. So much fun. Until those holidays at uni, it was always just Mum and me. Your grandmother knew my mum worked long hours, so she gave me somewhere to go. It’s how your Aunty Kat and Uncle Gabriel became such good friends of mine.”
“Were you in love with Dad when you were at university together?” Lottie asks, her eyes watching me more closely than I’d like.
Damn, this girl is perceptive!
I stare at her, weighing up the odds, deciding I’m never going to lie to Lottie.
“I’m going to decline to answer that. Your father and my relationship was complicated. All I will say is we were best friends, and nothing ever happened between us.”
“But you loved him,” she says, her voice tinged with a hint of sadness. “Well, I’m glad you and Dad are together now. I haven’t seen him smile so much in a long time. I don’t think… ever. He and Mum just made each other unhappy.”
“Grown-up relationships are complicated.”
“It seems like grown-ups like to make them complicated,” Lottie says.
I sigh and smile. “You might be right.”
CHAPTER 49
ELIJAH
Iwatch Pen and Lottie prepare breakfast from the doorway, a sense of peace running through my body.
“Dad, what do you want on your pancakes?” Lottie asks as I enter the kitchen to find a stack of American pancakes piled high on the side.
“Wow, who else is coming for breakfast?” I ask, pulling out a stool and sitting down.
Pen looks up, her cheeks flushed. “I misjudged the quantities,” she says, making me smirk. “Mrs Transmere gave me the recipe, and I thought I’d need to double it. I should have remembered American portions.”
My stomach sinks as I realise who Mrs Transmere is—Kristophe’s cook.
Something in my expression must give me away because Pen comes around the counter and wraps her arms around my waist.
“She made the best pancakes. I wanted to share the recipe with Lottie.”
I squeeze her hand, letting her know it’s all right. I know I shouldn’t be jealous of Kristophe, but I can’t help it. She said when we were away, he sent her back to me, but in doing so, she appears to have given up on everything she wanted inlife. Reverting back to theold Penbefore Kristophe. All work, although this time a lot more play.
I watch her and Lottie together. How easy and quick to smile Lottie is these days. Pen shows Lottie how to make pancake characters using the batter. She’s a natural. Proven not only with Lottie but little Callum. How can she simply switch off her desire to get married and start a family? I can’t and don’t believe for one second it’s possible, even if Pen believes she has.
Last weekend should have been her wedding day. She should be on her honeymoon now, making babies. Instead, she went to dinner with Lottie and me, followed by the cinema, as though it was no big deal. It’s like she’s pushed aside her dreams, assuming I don’t want those things too.
We need to talk, but it’s still early days. A marriage proposal, and baby talk I know is inappropriate one month into our relationship, but I just worry she’ll regret all she gave up when Kristophe sent her back and begin to resent what we have.
