“You love him, Pen. You can’t ignore that, even if you want to. I won’t marry someone who’s so clearly in love with another man.” He shakes his head, his expression hardening.
“But… I…” I fumble over the words. This is not what I was expecting. Shouldn’t he be screaming and shouting. As if sensing where my thoughts have gone, Kris smiles.
“Not when you haven’t explored whether that love is a real possibility,” he says. “Tell me part of you doesn’t want to try?”
I flinch at his words but know he’s right.
Fuck, this can’t be happening.
This is not what I want. To spiral back into the days when Elijah Frazer was my sun and moon. Kris is stable. I know where I stand with him. He’s safe. We have a future planned. I have my future planned.
“We can make it work. You and me,” I say. “We have the wedding booked. We can’t just call it off.”
He gives me a brotherly, patient look. One I have come to recognise so well.
“We probably could make it work, until that nagging doubt in the back of your head has you questioning everything.” He draws back, and I open my mouth to speak. He holds up a hand and I close it again. “You’ll wander if you made the right choice? Then after this conversation there will be the - What-if?” He lets out a deep sigh. “You talk about fate. Have you thought maybe fate sent you back? Wanted to show you there’s still a spark between you. That you need to go back and see what it means?”
Kris’s eyes lock with mine, and I see the determination in his.
“No,” I say, shaking my head frantically, as pressure builds in my chest, threatening to smother me.
Kris sits back, folding his arms over his chest, a vein throbbing in his forehead.
“Pen, you haven’t let me near you since you came back. It’s been one excuse after another. Our relationship will not work if you can’t bring yourself to be with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I let out a sob. For the first time, realising what he says is true. I have pushed him away every time he’s approached me. Guilt wracks my mind.
He rests his forearms on his thighs, taking one of my hands in his. His thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand.
“Don’t be sorry, beautiful lady. Loving someone is a gift. I loved Annie. Know that feeling. I care deeply about you, Pen. I want what’s best for you, and if Elijah Frazer is that man, then you need to at least try.”
I press my lips to Kris’s, silencing him.
But it contains no passion, feels more like a goodbye.
“What did I do to deserve such an amazing friend?”
It’s then I realise. That’s what he is, all he will ever be — my friend.
“Friendship goes two ways. Because of you, I now believe moving on is possible after losing Annie, something I never thought I could do. You’re a special person, Penelope Dawson. You’ve gone after everything you wanted in this life, so why stop now? It’s time you go after the one person you desire. Find out if he feels the same way.”
I bite my lip, missing the feeling of the metal between my teeth.
Is he right?
Elijah always accepted me, goth girl, or not.
“What if you’re wrong?”
My insecurities rearing their head.
“I promise you. I’m not.”
He takes my hand in his, linking our fingers.
“But if I am, I’ll still be here, and Elijah Frazer is even more of an idiot than I thought.”
