CHAPTER 1
ELIJAH
Awedding,its purpose—to celebrate the sanctity of marriage. For most, it’s a joyous occasion where family and friends come together to celebrate the joining of a happy couple. In the case of my two brothers, Gabriel and now Caleb, that’s true. They’re both loved-up saps, devoted to their much better halves.
Their weddings are nothing like mine.
I focus on breathing in and out, my pulse roaring in my ears as I work to calm my racing heart.
I inhale, holding it for four, before exhaling softly, waiting for the pressure in my chest to ease.
I sit and grip the seat cushion next to me, observing my brother, Caleb. There’s no trace of the gut-wrenching dread I experienced the night before my wedding. Instead, my younger brother is beaming, gushing about his up-and-coming nuptials. His twin and best friends share in his excitement.
Excitement that is palpable. His eyes are sparkling. He’s practically dancing in his seat. If he checks his phone one more time, I think Gabriel’s going to confiscate it. There are no thoughts of escape or concealment. It’s clear to everyone he can’t wait to make April his wife.
Caleb is happy. April is happy. Gabriel and his wife, Leah, are ecstatically happy.
The panic slowly subsides as I survey the room. Caleb is not me. Like Gabriel, he’s marrying a woman he loves and who loves him completely. A woman who complements him in every way.
It’s been years since I last saw my brother this at ease with himself.
Fuck!
I need some air.
I get up and head to the patio door, refusing to spoil my brother’s celebration. Xander, one of Caleb’s friends, calls over to me. I turn and offer a smile. The frown between his brows lets me know he’s not buying it. I shake my head slightly, holding my breath and silently pleading he doesn’t call me out. When he turns away, I exhale and continue my escape.
I step out onto the patio and look out over the manicured garden. One thing I can thank Darra for. But then I paid for an army of servants to help her. The house itself was a wedding gift from my parents. A four-bedroom detached stone cottage on the family estate. The seventeenth-century house still contains its oak beams and large fireplaces. The opposite of my apartment in the city. Which is made of glass, tiles, and stainless steel.
I sink onto one of the patio lounge chairs Lottie, my daughter, loves so much. Pleased, Caleb and April waited until summer before saying, ‘I do’. Their initial plan was to have me sitting here freezing my balls off in mid-winter.
I inhale deeply, allowing the peace and tranquillity of The New Forest to sink in. This past eighteen months have been a roller coaster, and I’m tired. Tired of the speculation and questions, tired of work, tired of the endless battle between our divorce lawyers. Our marriage was nothing but a sham for years. One I tried and failed to protect Lottie and the rest of my family from.
Instead of protecting those I care about, I alienated and pushed them away. Now I have to fix it. I rest my forearms on my thighs and hang my head. The stretch in the back of my neck soothes the tension I’m carrying.
A bark of raucous laughter comes from behind me, followed by more cheers and chants. Caleb and his friends know how to party.
The door opens, and I look up, staring straight ahead.
“Hey,” Gabriel says, appearing at my side. “Is everything all right?”
I turn to face my brother and hold up my glass.
“Just getting some air.”
He tilts his head and pauses. His eyes miss nothing.
I turn away. It’s impossible to hide anything from Gabriel.
I’m surprised when he lets it drop.
“Thank you for letting us use your house this evening. Caleb’s attempts to see April would have been disastrous. It’s bad enough with all the sappy text messages.”
Smiling, I return my gaze to the garden.
Smiling is something I’m trying to do more these days.
“Glad it could be of use.”
