‘Always.’
‘And your parents—’
‘Not my grandfather.’ Not the workaholic automaton who’d cared about money most of all. The one he was most like.
She cupped his face in her hands. He didn’t want her sympathy. That wasn’t why he’d told her. But honestly he didn’t know why he’d told her any of this, didn’t know why everything was bubbling up inside him now when for so long—foryears—he’d been perfectly fine. Great, in fact. Until she’d stormed into his life and changed everything. She’d accused him of emotional blackmail before and he’d deserved it. Now he didn’t want to play on her tender-heartedness either.
He tried to step back but she was stronger than he realised. Or maybe he was weaker. Too weak to resist gazing at her, taking in the depth in her eyes, the parting of her lips, the fineness of her features. The emotion in her expression, in her hold. Her soft warmth invited him and was irresistible. Once more, he stood still in that timeless, overwhelming moment of want.
He would kiss her. He couldn’tnotkiss her. But it wasn’t to release tension. Wasn’t to submerge all these awful emotions in pleasure. He just wanted to kissher. Wanted to touchher. Be close toher. He wanted to give to her.
But he couldn’t talk any more. He could only act. She said nothing as he led her to his room and unzipped her dress. She was beautiful. Sweet and soft and with that quiet, dignified strength that felled him. He gently unhooked her earrings, then let down her hair. He didn’t deserve this bliss, butshedid. He dropped to his knees. Caressed her. Worshipped her. Because this was all about her, not his own escape. Not this time. He kissed her as she ought to be kissed. Loved her the way he would if he could. And she didn’t just let him, she met him. Her legs pressed close around him, her arms tight, her kisses endless. But he couldn’t hold her gaze. And she buried her face in his shoulder as she came. Hiding part of herself from him too. He couldn’t call her out on it when he was doing the exact same thing. Hiding how important this had become.
He held her as she slept—for the first time staying with her for the entire night. He curled around her, drawing her close and resting his arm over her waist with his hand splayed on her burgeoning belly. Until now, they’d never spent an entire night together. Except now, despite feeling an exhaustion that was more than physical, he couldn’t sleep. He measured his breathing, slowly counting in a futile attempt to fall into the abyss. Her fresh scent filled him. Her body was warm against his, her breathing was slow and peaceful and he was almost asleep when he felt a bump against his palm.
He stilled, confused. It happened again. A tiny nudge. A sharp one. He froze, processing. And then a wave of emotion hammered him. How could she sleep while a little person was apparently practising football kicks inside her belly? He gently smoothed his fingertips over her stomach, back and forth, wondering if there was any way to lull the acrobat inside. He’d barely been able to think about the reality of the baby. But here it was, a shocking reminder of the responsibility for which he would never be prepared—a tiny, playful poppet that would soon become a small playful child. A child who ought to have a little brother or sister to play with—to tease, toprotect.
His heart felt horribly full, horribly near to bursting. But there could be no sibling for this baby unless Phoebe met someone else oncehelet her go…
His guts twisted. He’d seen her watch that elderly couple as they’d made their way to their seats at the theatre tonight—they were clearly a life-long love match. Edo was stoppingherfrom finding one of those. She was sacrificing those chances in her life now when she should have so much more. He’d not even been able to give her a birthday without selfishly lowering the mood. He could never give her all sheoughtto have, could never be the man she deserved. Frankly, aside from money and security, all he could give her was good sex.
But that was all she’d wanted from him anyway, wasn’t it? She’d had less than average with her jerk ex and all she’d actually wanted from Edo was a thrill that afternoon back in the summer. Then just her no frills, sex-on-demand honeymoon. Nothing more.
The problem for him was that she was dangerously irresistible—and not just sexually. He liked being around her. Liked how he felt when she was near—when she was working alongside him, dining opposite him—talking and laughing.
But he’d unintentionally pulled on her heartstrings, and he didn’t want her staying with him out of pity. He would do them both a favour by letting her go.
But the thought of her meeting someone else savaged him all over again. Edo knew loss. Intimately. He knew it again now. Mourning not what had happened but what might have been. For the future that he might’ve had if he were a different person. If he weren’t damaged. If he were actually good enough,for her. But he wasn’t. He’d been unable to properly support his mother. He’d failed his brother repeatedly. He couldn’t fail Phoebe too. And never their baby.
He had to fix all this. Somehow get his distance and perspective back. But in this smallest of hours, and at this darkest time of night, he was so damned tired. So he stayed curled around her—pressing his chest to her back, entwining his leg with hers, stroking his fingers gently across her belly. And, as exhaustion swallowed him into sleep, he accepted how awful he really was.
Because he didn’t want to let her go at all.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
PHOEBE STROLLED INthe autumn sunshine, slowly winding her way back to Edo’s apartment. It was a beautiful morning, with beautiful people everywhere, and she watched them all—desperately needing the distraction from her racing over-thinking. Edo had been so deeply asleep he’d not stirred when she’d left the bed. Still hadn’t stirred while she’d eaten, showered, dressed, then paced in his lounge. In the end she’d had to get out. Had to breathe. Because shehadto get a grip on herself.
Yesterday had been intense,while last night had been unforgettable. He’d opened up to her. He’d held her. All night. He’d been tender and caring and more vulnerable than she’d ever imagined. He had demons and doubts and while she couldn’t wave some magic wand and make them all go away, maybe she could support him. If only he wanted her to and she couldn’t help hoping that maybe he did. She couldn’t stop that hope from growing. Maybe they could bemore. Maybe they couldlast. Because she was more than half in love with him.
But she’d been wrong before. So wrong. So she was particularly wary of facing him. Perhaps if she just gave them more time, if she stayed near, then maybe his defences might lower… She wanted that so much, it terrified her. Her nerves grew with every step she took back, multiplied when one of the bodyguards raced up to her about a block out from his building and insisted she come with him urgently.
‘Has something happened?’ she asked, suddenly breathless.
The man didn’t answer, merely muttered something short and sharp into a discreet microphone and set a punishing pace. Her heart pounded as he escorted her into the building—past another man who held the door, another who was holding the lift doors open. He pushed the buttons but let her enter alone.
The ride to the penthouse took too long.
Edo stood right in front of the lift door. His stormy expression pushed Phoebe’s pulse higher but before she could ask what was wrong he stepped forward and pulled her from the lift.
‘Where have you been?’ he rapped.
‘For a walk,’ she said, trying not to react to the tension screaming from him. ‘You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to disturb you.’
‘You escaped your bodyguard,’ he snapped.
‘I didn’tescapehim, I—’
‘He’s been dismissed.’
