‘Closed book. I know.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I should explain why.’
‘Not if you don’t want to.’
A muffled snort of frustration escaped him. ‘Can’t you be even a little curious? I’m crazy curious about you.’
‘Really?’ She stared at him, surprised. ‘What do you want to know?’
He regarded her for a long moment. The question, when it came, was almost a whisper. ‘Where did you go on honeymoon with your first husband?’
Prickly heat crawled over her skin, making her itch. That was the first thing that had come to his mind?
‘We didn’t have one,’ she said. ‘He had a new job and I followed him there.’
She’d been naïve to think she could be some perfect wife, that Ryan had really loved her. ‘I left him less than a year after we married. I wasn’t enough for him. He cheated on me.’
Edo looked so shocked she actually smiled when normally she’d have a stab-in-the-heart feeling right about now.
‘What more could he possibly want?’ Edo muttered.
Her mortification rose. Sex with Ryan hadn’t been amazing, but it was way too icky to discuss that.
‘He was selfish in bed,’ he guessed with mortifying accuracy. Because of course Edo wouldn’t think it ick. ‘Didn’t give you what you needed?’
Shame swamped her, but Edo calmly waited for her reply as if this wasn’t anything embarrassing. He had a healthy, playful attitude to sex—he made it fun and pleasurable and not bound up with any emotional burden and he’d never once left her unsatisfied. Frankly, he now knew her body better than she knew it herself. So if there was anyone she could talk to honestly about this, it was him.
‘I didn’t give him what he needed either,’ she admitted, spilling intimate secrets she’d not even told her best friends. ‘I didn’t know what I needed, let alone how to tell him. I don’t think he’d have appreciated my trying to tell him anyway. I’d saved my virginity for so long and he took it so quickly. Literally so quickly. It didn’t get better from there.’
Edo’s jaw tightened. ‘I’m sorry he didn’t prioritise you,’ he muttered.
She pulled the rug more tightly around her shoulders and shook her head. Being prioritised wasn’t something she held much hope for any more.
‘How did you meet?’ he asked.
She shrank at the rising memories. Her emotional weakness back then was actually more embarrassing than her less than stellar sex-life. But maybe it would be good for their child if she and Edo understood each other better. Besides, she couldn’t deny him—she wanted this fragile moment of communication to last—even if she was the one doing all the talking. ‘First you should know I was an unplanned, unwanted only child,’ she muttered. ‘It’s partly why I ended up so…’
His eyes widened. ‘So what?’
Needy. Beneath the rug, she scratched her arm and tried a different way to explain. ‘Dad’s an adventure racer.’
‘A…’ Edo frowned. ‘Pardon?’
‘He travels the world competing in ultra-long-distance endurance events. Mum was an athlete too before she had me. Since then, she’s been his coach and support crew. They prioritised his career.’
‘Endurance events?’ Edo looked confused. ‘Like running?’
‘It’s their passion. Purpose. Everything.’ She nodded. ‘Neither of them particularly wanted to parent me. Eventually I went to boarding school, shuttled between grandparents in the holidays. I raced for a bit but I wasn’t good enough. I injured my ankle the one time I tried to be like him and push through anything and it’s been weak ever since. Then I was a support person to try to stay involved.’ She’d thought if she showed an interest in what they loved, they might show more of an interest in her.
‘That explains your organised survival kit with the meds.’ Edo shot her a half-smile.
‘Right.’ She nodded. ‘I get that it’s more than a career for them, it’s a lifestyle, but I wanted attention and affection from my parents. Only there wasn’t space for me. I know to achieve at an elite level you have to be that extreme, but it leaves no room for other things.’ She absently scratched at the itchiness more. ‘School was seriously average, but for whatever reason when I went to university, I suddenly had guys paying me attention—’
‘Whatever reason?’ Edo reached across and grabbed her wrist, stopping her from scratching too hard. ‘Phoebe, you’re stunning.’
She shot him a grateful but disbelieving smile. ‘For a while I wasn’t interested in any, but Ryan was in his final year, and he was very charming. He was the man on campus, you know? Suave, popular, persistent. He picked me out, started walking me to class, popping up in places, brought me coffee and cake, then other presents. I was so flattered. I couldn’t believe he paid me so much attention…’
‘He swept you off your feet,’ Edo said quietly.
‘Love-bombed me, yeah. Made me feel like a million dollars. And he loved how I reacted. But it was all about the reactions. He fed off people’s admiration.’
