And then he would say good-bye to whatever strange interlude this had been and go back to the man he had to be.
The caricature only Serena had ever seen behind.
But she would be saved, and that was all that could matter.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SERENA GOT READYfor her wedding day essentially alone. Oh, there was the woman who did her hair, her makeup. The wedding planner helped her into her dress, buttoning up the back and babbling nervously.
Luciano had not arrived yet.
The wedding planner assured Serena that it was okay. That they were in touch with him and other such nonsense.
But Serena knew. She’d known last night. There had just been something about the way he’d behaved. Fidgety and strange. The spell of the past few weeks broken.
She did not know why. If she looked too deeply at it, she thought she might crumble, and if there was one thing she could not do it was that. She had never crumbled. Not once. She could not let Luciano Ascione be the reason she did so now.
Perhaps that was why she could not seem to stop the motion forward. It would be less embarrassing to call it all off now, before she put the dress on, before someone—somestrangerhad to come break the news to her.
He wasn’t coming. She felt it in her bones. Sheknewit.
And yet she couldn’t seem to call it off. Couldn’t seem to save herself the upcoming embarrassment. It was like she had to go through it, in the absolute worst way, or she might be tempted to forgive him.
Not that he’d ask for her forgiveness or want it.
She did not know what had changed. She wanted to believe it had been a bit of cold feet he’d get over. Drink it away and he’d come back in the morning with declarations of love.
That had been the romantic inside of her, and she’d known better than to believe in it. But she’d hoped in spite of herself.
Because she loved him. Loved their life.
She did not know what spooked him about that. What had changed his mind? What hadscaredhim? Because she knew hewasscared. Someday, she would think about it. Someday, she would make sense of it.
Today, she couldn’t seem to. There was too much stupid, pointless yearning that she only had herself to blame for. Her mother had always told her she was dull. Never enough.
Serena should have believed her.
So she settled into the old ice. The old frigid detachment. Move one step at a time, calmly and rationally, so that when he didn’t show, this horrible love inside of her would crack into dust and die.
So she’d be so embarrassed and angry that the only thing left would be to turn it around to hurt him. She’d find the fire within…eventually.
But she could only do that if she made it through whatever this was.
The wedding planner bustled out of the room to “check on things.” No doubt to try to track down Luciano. Serena let her. She wanted to be alone anyway. Blissfully alone in this little room.
Just her and a full-length mirror and a beautiful white gown, simple if not for the intricate lace details. Serena studied herself in said mirror. If she pretended to smile, a picture would show a beautiful, glowing bride, eager to start her new life.
But her face in the mirror right now showed the truth. The makeup could hide that she was pale. The white lace could give her an ethereal look. But her expression was all brittle ice because that was what she was made out of.
If she moved the wrong way, she would shatter. All because she’d fallen in love with the last man she should have.
Thatwas on her. And she always took responsibility for her own mistakes.
So she stood, leaning into every last protective instinct. Detach, detach, detach. Don’t let the pain through. It doesn’t matter anyway.
You were always meant to be alone. It was stupid to be fooled into thinking otherwise.
It was something her mother would say if she was here. But, because of Luciano, Angelica was not here. She’d never apologized, and so she’d never been invited.
