Do not look at me.
Do not enter my room, let alone evenlookat my bed.
* * *
It frustrated her that just writing down these things brought images to her mind. Remembered bodily reactions. A jump in her stomach, a throb too low to have a great excuse for. The way her skin seemed to flush at certain looks he gave her.
It frustrated her that even knowing what an absolute reprobate he was, he was handsome as a devil and knew how to use it against her. She liked to think herself better than suchbasereactions, but she supposed she could not fully fault her brain for what was simply aphysicalreaction.
Besides, he was a man who knew how to use the physical, and she was just not…used to that. She did not engage in such behaviors and gave a wide berth to anyone who did. The few men she’d gone on dates with had not made physical overtures. The last one had even asked permission before kissing her cheek good night.
She’d hated it. And hated herself for hating it. Because it had simply made it clear that she would have to settle for a future where she was truly and utterly alone. That even someone who might belikeher didn’t…match. Didn’t allow herself any comfort.
Or worse, any excitement. Which she didn’tthinkshe was looking for. Didn’twantto be looking for.
For the best, she often assured herself. Perhaps the castle could get a little lonely, particularly during long winter months when even work couldn’t distract her from the fact there was not one person in the whole world who cared about her beyond what she could do for a company.
But it was better to be alone, to do exactly as she pleased without having to don all the masks required of trying to make someone like her. Or pretending to be swept away by someone who asked permission tokiss a cheek.
Luckily, she did not need to make Luciano like her. This wasn’t a business deal that required dancing to the tune of the male ego. In public, perhaps she would have to pretend more than she’d ever pretended before, but at least behind closed doors she could let loose with what she really thought of him. It was…refreshing, actually. To just say what she thought. To just be herself and notworry.
She could be herself in every way, at least in private. So long as she did not let the strangephysicalreaction somehow win. So long as she found a way to stop him from playing these power games that left her feeling unsettled. So long as she did not engage in that so much that she forgot to keep an eye on whatever his counterplay would turn out to be. Because ifshewas thinking about what happened after they vanquished their common enemy, no doubt so was he.
She considered, yet again, the fact that he was allegedly posing as his own man of business. She was notshockedhe might hide a keener mind than she’d like to give him credit for, but she did not understand why he’d hide it away. She’d refused to ask or even acknowledge it, because she thought that’s what he expected of her.
Still, it sat there in her mind like an unsolvable puzzle. It made her wonder what else he might be hiding away. She had to be careful. Even if she’d underestimated him in the beginning,maybe, she’d known that she had to be careful. That this would not be straightforward or easy, and the upper hand would require constant vigilance.
Still, she worried she wasn’t seeing the whole picture. She flipped pages back to the front of the notebook and went over her plan. Considered what she now knew about him and how he worked.
How had he built that club to the height of popularity?
Money, of course. No doubt using some of his father’s contacts. But there had to be some business sense there. She’d watched him engage with people at the dinner party last night. He usedcharm. Compliments and smiles and easy jokes. He used the way he looked to dazzle.
But with her, he’d taken an opposite approach. He tried to make her uncomfortable. Innuendos about her bed. The way he’d said the wordbite, when saying she acted afraid he might.
He wanted her flustered. Blushing and uncomfortable. And he undoubtedly thought it some special power he had, not just the fact that she was uncomfortable with the idea of…intimacy. He thought she was flustered by his handsomeness and insinuations.
He was most certainly wrong. Her discomfort last night had nothing to do withhimpersonally. Nothing at all. She just wasn’t used to a man in her space. That was all.
Confident with that interpretation of last night’s events, Serena gave herself a little nod and carefully put her notebook away. The plan that was taking shape was not one she could commit to paper now that he knew she liked to write things out.
No, this would have to stay in her head. Because she knew he’d proceed with her as he had last night. Charming smiles, feigned innocence in his touches and threaded innuendo in everything.
This was how he would attempt to get some upper hand, no doubt. Continue to push her boundaries. Not just in the personal space of her home, but farther. Into heractualpersonal space.
Yes, he would certainly try to seduce her, and going into this, she hadn’t really considered he might seriously. It was such a bizarre way to handle business, and she knew she was not the type he usually lent himself to. But it wasn’t about what heliked. It would be about what he wanted.
Her knee-jerk reaction to this was obvious denial. If he so much as tried it, she’d cut him off at the knees. She would resist. Forever.
Shecouldresist, if she wanted to. Curiosity wasn’t the same as being unable to resist. Her imaginationsometimesdrifting his way didn’t mean she wasn’t smart enough to remember who and what she was.
And what he was.
But rejection was expected. What kind of power might she wield if she didn’t react the way she usually did? What if she gave him the illusion of the upper hand? What if shelethim seduce her?
The idea was appalling of course—that was the only thing the feeling in her stomach could be, because it certainly wasn’t a jump of anticipation. That pulse scramble, that woozy feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when they’d locked eyes last night. Intrigue and interest as to what all that might lead to.
Nothing, Serena.
