Cassian did know he’d been blessed physically but he’d never taken it for granted. ‘As flattered as I am, I don’t think everyone finds me attractive and really, the only person’s opinion I’m interested in right now is yours.’
‘Why?’
‘Indulge me. Maybe I’m insecure and need an ego boost.’
She looked at him, eyes going wide and then let out a sharp burst of laughter. She clapped a hand over her mouth almost immediately but it was too late. Cassian had seen her face transformed again, like earlier after the karting, and she was…more than beautiful. She was stunning.
She took her hand down from her mouth. ‘You really want me to spell it out.’
‘I do.’
She sighed and rolled her eyes but then said, ‘Fine, for what it’s worth, I do…find you…attractive.’
Why did that feel like such a ridiculously huge triumph to Cassian? Her cheeks were burning. It was endearing. And also a serious turn-on. Cassian couldn’t help but think about how she might look after making love. Hot and dishevelled, cheeks flushed from pleasure.
He had to try and curb the heat in his body. This was a non-starter. And maybe the fact that she was so unavailable was making her more alluring. Cassian cursed himself. He’d had too much of getting his own way, never being denied anything. He’d grown complacent. And arrogant. Lili was a dose of reality and fresh air. And he needed to get some air to his brain now, because if he didn’t his mind was starting to spiral into the fact that he couldn’t think of another woman he’d ever wanted more and that had never happened to him.
‘Look, Lili, we’re obviously attracted to each other but I respect your boundaries and the fact that you’ve made it very clear you don’t want to be physically intimate. If IVF is as far as you’re prepared to go to try for a child then that’s what we’ll do. You’re sacrificing a lot to give me my inheritance and I appreciate that.’
Now the smile was gone, she looked tortured. ‘You’re being more than generous already and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I really don’t think I can.’
Cassian had to curb an almost overwhelming urge to stand up and go to her, pull her out of her seat and bring her close to his body where she could feel the heat between them. He hadn’t even kissed her yet. She’d avoided that on the wedding day. But he could still remember how her cheek had felt under his mouth, soft, silky.
He said, ‘I’ve decided to stay for a few days to catch up on some of the villa’s administration and I promised Ricardo that I’d go to the track again. Whatever happens is your choice, Lili. No pressure. I mean that.’
After a long moment she said, ‘I thought you were going to try to seduce me.’
Something inside Cassian twisted. He could be ruthless when he wanted but there was an air of vulnerability about Lili that he’d never really noticed in other women and he found himself battling the desire he felt with another desire, a need to protect.
She’s your wife, it’s an entirely natural instinct.That was it. Their marriage didn’t need to be a real one for him to want to protect her. She was his family now. He wouldn’t let any harm come to her, from him or anyone else.
He said, ‘No. I wouldn’t do that. I respect your boundaries.’
She looked relieved. ‘I’m sorry it’s not more straightforward for me.’
‘It’s not something to apologise for. Something happened to you and you can’t help your response.’
‘Thank you for being so understanding.’ Lili stood up. ‘I think I’ll go to bed. Goodnight, Cassian.’ She picked up the empty coffee cups.
‘Leave those, Eloisa can get them.’
‘It’s no trouble.’
Cassian stood up too. ‘Goodnight, Lili.’
He watched her walk away. Her shirt had ridden up a little and the jeans lovingly cupped her bottom, high and perfectly shaped. Desire gnawed at Cassian. He sat back down and smiled mirthlessly to himself. No doubt this was some form of karma being visited on him for all the times he’d shut down emotionally and pushed lovers away, not wanting to risk any kind of involvement beyond the superficial.
* * *
A couple of hours later Lili still couldn’t sleep. She blamed the coffee. A bad idea. But also, something else was playing on her mind. She’d brought the coffee cups down to the kitchen to be helpful and found Eloisa there. She’d immediately said, ‘I’m sorry, you didn’t have to wait for us, I’m sure you’ve a family to go home to.’ Eloisa lived in the small village nearby.
The woman had smiled a little and said, ‘Thank you, Signora Corti, actually no, we don’t have a family yet, but we are trying.’
Lili had guestimated Eloisa to be in her early thirties and could read between the lines to register a faint sense of weariness and desperation in the woman’s voice. It obviously wasn’t happening easily for them. In Italy children and family were everything. She could only imagine the heartache of everyone expecting you to have children and nothing happening.
She had a sense that the woman wouldn’t want to hear some kind of platitude and so bid her goodnight.
But now the conversation replayed on a loop in Lili’s head and she was feeling increasingly uneasy. Giving up any hope of sleep, she got out of bed and took off her nightclothes. She pulled out the white swimsuit and grabbed a robe.
