She’s sleeping in the next room, looking like an angel when I laid her down, seemingly content and happy. But there is constant upheaval in her life and I feel lost as to how to change that.
“I can?” I ask about Caroline's offer to be available anytime. More for my sake than hers.
I cannot fuck the nanny. But if she’s not the nanny…
“Of course. I can come over and help out whenever. I’m flexible. James will understand even if you need me during a class or something. If one of the nannies gets sick or something, I can fill in.” She seems almost eager about that possibility.
“That would make you still kind of my nanny,” I say, more for my sake than hers.
I cannot fuck the nanny.
“No, not really,” Caroline says. “I’m just a friend, helping out now. You wouldn’t have to pay me.”
The money is, of course, the least of my concerns.
But that would make it cleaner. If I wasn’t paying her, then fucking her wouldn’t be complicated. It would just be…fucking.
But I can’t fuck her. I can’t risk it. What am I even thinking? I’m not sure there are enough condoms in the world to make me feel safe having sex again.
And as of right now, she is not my nanny, but she is still the gorgeous woman I’ve been hard for since I met her, and I probably should get her the hell out of my apartment.
“I…You’ve been a huge help to me and Evelyn.”
“It’s been fun. I’m glad you needed me.”
If she only knew the ways I need her.
I cross to the refrigerator where I stored the flowers I bought her on my way back from the run I took on the beach this evening. I needed to pick up more diapers and formula too, so I took a run, stopped by the store, and saw the flowers in the shop window on my way back.
I turn and carry the bouquet to her. “Thank you so much. I know we upended your life this past week.”
The frown lines on her forehead smooth and her expression softens as she takes the wildflowers from me. The bunch of yellow, peach, white, and purple flowers make her smile and that’s all I needed to see.
“Thank you, Grayson. These are gorgeous.” She lifts them to her nose.
“I considered something else. But something like a photo of Evelyn would just be something else to pack and move. I know when you travel a lot, you tend to keep physical possessions to a minimum. And that would have been presumptuous, actually.”
I don’t know if this woman who has known us for a week would even want a photo of Evelyn to keep.
But Caroline smiles. “I havelotsof photos of Evelyn on my phone.Lots. Many with me in them, too. Several with James as well.” She laughs. “If someone looks over my shoulder in a bistro as I’m flipping through them one day, they’ll assume she’s mine, I’m sure.”
That makes something strange grab in my chest. And it’s not entirely unpleasant.
I clear my throat. The idea of Caroline looking through photos of Evelyn while sipping coffee in a bistro somewhere around the world makes me strangely emotional. “I also thought about jewelry, but that seemed…intimate.” My gaze drops to her mouth. I shouldn’t have said that.
But I’d love to see her wearing a necklace around her pretty neck that I gave her.
The strange, hot surge of possessiveness surprises me.
She wets her lips. “Yeah. That would have seemed intimate.”
“So, I settled for flowers.”
“Well, everyone loves flowers.” She lifts them again and inhales their scent. “And you remembered I said I love wildflowers best.”
“Of course.”
There’s a pause—something hangs in the air between us—then she steps forward, wraps her arms around my waist and presses her cheek to my chest. “Thank you, Grayson.”
