If I wind up staying in Honeysuckle Harbor, I’m going to need a bigger space. A house with multiple bedrooms and an office that is soundproof. Or at least far away from the main living areas. I’ll have to ask my mom to look into that possibility.
Life is suddenly really damn complicated. I need a whole fucking staff.
The minute I’m in my room, I suddenly feel bad that I left the room without saying anything to Evelyn. I instantly feel guilty because her life has been turned upside down.
I also feel like I…miss her. Is that possible, given it’s been thirty seconds since I saw her?
Whatever it is, I immediately return to the living room and approach the sofa. Evelyn is done eating and is attempting to stand on Caroline’s legs. I give the top of her head a kiss.
“Have a good nap.”
Evelyn starts and then looks up at me and smiles. She reaches for me and now I feel stupid for coming out here. I just made it worse. “Not right now, pretty girl. I have to work.”
Her bottom lip juts out, and she starts to tremble.
Oh, God.
“Sorry,” I say to Caroline and fast walk back to my room, feeling like the biggest dick to ever live.
Is this what being a parent feels like? You want to do everything right and feel like you’re fucking it all up every step of the way?
I hear Evelyn crying and I decide that yes, this is exactly what being a parent feels like.
Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Terrified. Undersexed.
I’m going to assume it gets easier. It has to get easier.
It’s already better in that I’m starting to understand Evelyn’s moods and expressions and sounds.
I’ll get more sleep with a night nanny.
And the sex part?
I’m going to work on that too.
All those thoughts are shoved aside though as I get dragged into a flurry of work calls and have to put out a dozen fires. The afternoon flies by and before I know it, Caroline is knocking on my door.
“Grayson? It’s five. I need to head out. I have plans with Cas and James.”
I shove my chair back rapidly and drop my phone on the desk. If I take it with me, it will just be pinging nonstop in my hand.
“Sure, of course,” I say, yanking the door open.
She has Evelyn with her, so I reach out.
She comes readily to me, like she’s been waiting all day for some attention from me. “Hi. Did you have a good day?”
She rewards me with a grin.
“She just had a bottle and some avocado,” Caroline says. “She won’t be hungry for a while.”
“Avocado?” I ask. “Babies eat avocados?”
Caroline nods. “Sure. That’s one of the best first foods. Good texture.”
Well, shit, now I have to research what the hell I’m actually supposed to be feeding her because in my mind she is supposed to suck on a bottle until she tells me otherwise.
I rub my temple. “Oh, my god.”
